The field and the stadium


I passed by the field and stadium once again...
with a heavy heart.
and a tinge of jealousy.
Those joggers and soccer players ought to treasure these moments.




I dun know whether I will be able to jog, jump and sprint around with my naked feet again.
I long to feel those green meadows under my shoes...
I long to feel the track.. its texture.. its rubbery scent.
I long to feel the breeze embracing me as I sprint wholeheartedly to the finishing point.
I long for my breath to be taken away once again.
I long to be.. wholehearted.





I want to run without giving a damn whether I will suffer a relapse.



But I cant.



And its not only about running, u know.



I dun even have the priviledge to be wilful
I dun even have the priviledge to behave like a mischevious child.



I know I should feel grateful tt I can at least walk (tou not for long distances).
And I really am.. becos i know how it feels to be wheelchair bound.
I know how agonizing it feels when you dun even rmb how to walk...
I rmbed how frightening it felt when you dun have any strength to take tt step, even tou u are dying to take tt one step.


Yes,I still rmb.




It's jus tt sometimes.. you feel sad and disappointed tt you can no longer do or enjoy the things tt you used to be able to do.



I just need to let out my fraustrations at times.
we all have to.

tts all.

but i'll be fine.
like how i've alwys been.
life goes on.



And, I wont be defeated.