~The World is a Circus~

我 “搬家”了

2009-08-24T19:14:00.001+08:00

我 “搬家”了

http://hianhian.wordpress.com

For you, uncle

2009-08-15T12:39:00.000+08:00

For you, uncle.

I'm at a loss of words, suddenly.
When I first heard about the news after being awoken by the phone call at 4am, my mind went blank.
Too shocked to react.
I couldn't register the fact that he has left us.
I even wondered if it was a prank.

Frankly speaking,I'm nt very close to my aunts n uncles.
But coming to terms with his passing on, taking in every single details about uncle before and after the tragedy had happened wasn't easy.
And i worry for my dad, my grandparents & my uncle's wife.
The sudden bad news took away a father, a brother, a son from the family.

Distinct memories of him singing karaoke at our place during lunar chinese new year kept lingering in my mind.
The cousins were amused by his expressive singing style and watched him closing his eyes momentarily losing himself in the songs.
Did i mention that he used to sing off tune whenever he got overexcited in singing?
Sis and I would giggle uncontrollably at his funny antics as we record it on video during chinese new years.
I guess this strike us as one of the few precious moments that brought us closer to the other side of him.

Family karaoke would be different without him.
His laughter, his gungho strong attitude in facing life would always be fondly remembered.

And I hate to use past tense all of a sudden.
For this moment.

My professor once said,
"Growing old is about learning to cope with losses."
Yea, but at the same time, you learn to experience what it means to be devastated, sad, lonely and missing someone dearly to you. To go through and allow all kinds of complex emotions to penetrate you fully before moving on.
“Detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it.” ~ Tuesdays with Morrie

An epilogue and a prologue...

2009-07-19T17:57:00.020+08:00

An epilogue and a prologue...

I wanted to pen down some tots in my mind before the next major phase of my life journey commences.

So that I get to read about how i felt and tot about things when I graduated at 22.

So that I recall some nitty gritty details that meant a lot to me when I was young, yet got forgotten somehow in life when I grew older and when memories on school has faded.

So here it goes...

About intellectual growth

The 3^rd and 4^th year of Uni was intellectually satisfying and rewarding. There is a constant push to engage in deeper and more critical analysis in whatever project or paper you choose to work on. Being able to choose the nature of study and study interest for your own intellectual pursuit and construct an alternative argument or a fresh perspective in looking at issues, pushes me beyond many boundaries and comfort zones. Education takes on an interestingly meaningful turn after lke 10 odd years of slogging in school. It is truly amazing how we get to understand a word differently as we grow up and take on different routes in our lives. It is no longer about memorizing and spotting questions. Well, I still spot exam qns in uni. LOL. Haha.. but its quite a different matter. Interviews and fieldtrips always churn out new insights. Despite the kind of things I always manage to predict (the kind of people, what they will say during interview etc), I’m always learning new things about them and about myself. The way you react to their statements, their behaviour, their expression allow you to understand yourself from a different way. To look at yourself from a different vantage point that we did not notice in the past. The excitement and adrenaline rush when drafting your essay… scribbling some excellent points down on a paper during train ride/ during your fieldtrips… and knowing that you deserve the good grades you get from some papers that comes entirely from your hard work and interaction with the interesting characters out there (be it opera enthusiasts, opera company boss or Chinese medium) How fun is that! Sociology, is definitely the best choice. School is nv the same after being a sociologist. u pursue your own knowledge and you witness your growth as a person.

About friendships….

Secondary school was a very crucial and memorable period of life for every child. We go through puberty, the confusion in BGR, understanding the amusing changes in our physical bodies, looking the chubbiest in our entire life, build amazing magical bonds and friendships with a few precious ones. Yeah, those you usually keep in touch and remain close since then. Those whom you can always count on to accompany you in reminiscing the good old days back then and how ridiculous every one of us was (and still are today). Teenage years are indeed a very special and amazing moment in life.

I needed a lot of help and support from my friends in Uni when I fractured my hipbone and was left on crutches. My friends brought me to lecture theatres and tutorial classes without fail. Hey, it wasn’t easy at all ok… we have so many donkey flight of stairs in our lovely campus u know! (Don’t let me know who the hell the architects are. !@@##$%^). I was the one hurrying thru my steps, but they are the ones who slow me down and ask me to take my time. Due to the fact that, the arts canteen was down for renovation, they had to venture to engine or business canteen to da-bao food for me. I was very moved. The aches during and after each lesson were annoying and I had a lot of rest to catch up cos I rmbed 2 out of 3 or 4 days of lessons were 6 hours straight in school. So, it was sure tiring given my condition. But for tt sem, my results was better than the previous sems despite my condition. Credits to my family and friends who took care of me in school back then.

Special thanks to: cher, chews and huiweng for their unconditional love and for being my nannies in school. I appreciate it very much.

For me, Uni days gave me a lot of autonomy. Autonomy to choose what I want to study and the friends I befriend with. I choose only quality people to be my friends. Hhah! Yes, aren’t you honoured?!

About my family

I’m the youngest child. Well, there are only the two of us. And I’m the more mischievous, troublemaker and careless one. Hence, since young, my parents tend to worry about me more.

My parents never give me pressure when it comes to grades. I am rlly grateful for that, now that I think back. But when I was P6, Daddy made me study real hard for exams. I mean since P1, he will keep pushing me to study for exams. But its different in P6. He pushed me hard and accompanied me to study everyday after the month of June - to prepare me for both my prelims and PSLE. He kept telling me and reminding me how important it is to do well for PSLE. This was the first time I found him naggy. But I thank him for being so strict on me in P6. I would not have made it so far if not for that trialing period.

It is always every parent’s wish to be able to protect and help his/her child when the child faces adversities or problems in life. It is natural that we want to protect our little precious children. Yet, It comes to a point when you realize that you cannot always be there to help them solve their problems and to protect them from failures. I’ve forgotten when exactly it is, that my parents felt that there is only this much they can do for me when I do not know how to do my homework or face problems in my studies. This is usually the first step or first time that a child notices the change in statuses.. the change they go through in life… that daddy and mummy are not always almighty. It’s time they themselves learn to be independent and find answers for one self, not for others.

Adversities bring people together and strengthen bonds. I know it sounds simple or cliché, but it never is when it happens to you. In my 2^nd year in Uni, I fractured my hipbone and was on crutches for almost 3 months during a school term. Forgot about not knowing what the hell caused the fracture or how to prevent it from happening again, it came as an important life lesson that reminds me about how much love I have from my family. Sometimes… most of the time, we take things for granted. We tend to forgot about the strongest love of all that keep us going.. that allow us to grow up and search for our dreams. The strongest of love that allow us to pick ourselves up after we fell or hurt ourselves. Without it, we may turn out to be very different from who we are now. But we don’t think about it, cos it’s always there. And we tot tt it should always be there. I rmbed Sis once told me about grandma’s conversation with her when I was injured. She asked sis whether I threw tantrum and felt lousy due to the frustration and immobility. Sis told her tt I did nothing of the sorts. I was a good girl. (ok, fine.. I added the last sentence.) The point is, I ~~dun like grandma~~ have no rights to throw tantrum, excuse me. Who am I to do tt, when my entire family took such great care of me (help me to the loo… da bao food for me… drove me for checkup and therapies.. etc). And I find her question, really funny in a way.

About graduation

The day I graduated from primary school, I cried buckets of tears. The teachers in YNPS nv fail to put me up on stage to perform a few songs for the school during festivals or any special occasions. It was no exception on the graduation day. I chose to sing ‘朋友’by Emil Zhou. It was secretly dedicated to all my frens and teachers (cos they rlly dote on me) in school. When the song reaches the final few lines, tears trickled down my face. In fact, I burst out in tears. I could hardly sing anymore. This was the first time I teared uncontrollably while performing a piece on stage. And I remembered stealing a glance on my vice principal sitting on the utmost front row, who gave me a comforting smile. And like the other audiences, clap on from the start till the final string of lyrics were delivered by the little girl on stage.

And now, this little girl has grown up. No longer young, but just right in time to embark on the next phases in her life upon the final graduation… from University.

She has no song to sing, no tears that flow uncontrollably.

Just these sincere, heartfelt words to pen down the amazing journey.

My gratification for these memorable phases, for the fulfilling phase in the beginning of my life journey.

For the people who have come into my life, for the love and support

Thank you...

Alas... the mighty Duck has Graduated!

2009-07-13T11:55:00.007+08:00

Alas... the mighty Duck has Graduated!

Event: NUS Commencement 2009

Venue: Home, UCC

Date: 7th July 09

Time: 10am-12pm

Invited guests: Dad, Mom, Sis and Teddy.

All geared up for my Convo!

Can you spot me?!!! ;P

After 4 years (finally), the Duck meets Dean. Duck is taller than his majesty. keke..

Most importantly...
I wont be here, without them.
My beloved family.

accepting and rejecting

2009-06-18T16:14:00.004+08:00

accepting and rejecting..

I've gone for 2 interviews and got job offers from both companies.

I rejected both in the end.
I guess most of my friends wonder why I would reject them in the first place given the current economy and unemployment rates.
I do question myself too. But i know that i'm not ready to commit to either job after I've been to the interviews. It's like sth's missing and I'm just not convinced enough. Not convinced by them that this is the job for me and not convinced by myself tt i'll stick to this job at this point of time in my life. The second interview with ttp was a humbling experience where i learn so much from them and felt so lucky tt they are willing to share with me about their precious tots. I salute them for their passion and hardwork for so many years. At the same time, i'm more aware tt this is not what i'm looking for for the first few years after graduation. Maybe in the future...

Of cos another impt reason is that I'm lucky cos I have no frets over the financial part.

I was having some random tots in addition to these ....

maybe i hve some probs w commitments.
HAHAHAHHAHHA!! i find it difficult to commit to one deal.. one particular job ( i hope not when it comes to r/s tou).

and i was reminded of secondary sch days... when i managed to change CCA 4 times throughout the 4 years ( cos i cant stay put in anyone of them for long) and I still manage to get A1 for my CCA. woahahahahahha!!!

Okay, jokes aside... i think i rlly need to think abt wat i wana do. Yet at the same time, not think so much. U know.. sometimes u jus need this impulse or urge to jus dive in and work on it w/o having too much reservations on ya mind.

Provided tt............................

resignation notice is 1 mth.

HAHAHAHAHA....
HAHAHHAHAHAH

Alright alright.. i'm kidding. (no, i'm not).
I believe tt things will be more settled n i'll be excited when i start work... when i've found sth i lke or think i have potential to grow and develop in my career.
Just a matter of time onli.

:)

"Don't lose yourself"

2009-06-13T01:11:00.005+08:00

"Don't lose yourself"

她说：

“自己是最重要的。

不管做什么，都不要迷失自己。

因为失去了‘自己’，什么东西都没有了意义…

在工作的时候，表现给老板看，不是最重要的…

最重要的是，知道你在做什么。

不要迷失了自己。”

Well…

Who doesn’t lose himself at different points of his life?

You won’t get to know yourself better if you never get to lose your self.

Perhaps it’s the pompous promise of youth.

Perhaps it’s a phase that everyone has to go through along the journey of self-discovery and growth.

Greed; wanting everything that you hope you can get hold of as you can’t decide what you really want. Cos’ the truth is… u cant have everything all at once nicely in place for you, most of the time.

Timing, opportunities every now and then and a little bit of luck

Teaches you to give up some things and gives u a taste of the reality.

Whetting your appetite, then force you to make a decision and live with your decision.

Nobody knows which is the right decision.

We only try to make the most appropriate decision and move on with life.

Maybe the more important question here, is not about making the right decision anymore.

The key question after all is,

“What do you really want?”

You might not get what you really want in the end.

But, at least, it serves as a guide to help you decide on your next step.

The sequence of the job interviews came about in a rather bad timing.

Well, who knows, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.

There are so many things I want to do… so many things I want to try.

There’s a time for everything, they said.

But they also said that you grab opportunities when they come along cos sometimes opportunities dun strike twice.

And so… I happen to be caught in these 2 situations.

Its too early to say anything at this point of time.

Let’s see what the current new job takes me to.

At the same time, I need to find out what I really want.

Maybe not immediately, but along the way…

Okay.

Along the way.

And i'm starting to make my way there...

starting...

Blast to the job.

2009-06-12T16:29:00.002+08:00

Blast to the job.

boss sms-ed me

"Ser Hian i have meetings whole day. We will prepare the letter of offer and email u next mon. PXXXXX"

And so ... the ever-so-helpful farmie drafted this letter for me....
for da boss.

"As per your emailed letter of offer, I would not pick it up.

Yours sincerely
HSH

This is a computer generated letter. No signature is needed"

HAHAAHAHHAAHAHHAHAAHHAAHA
tank kew u leh.

"The Gift"

2009-06-08T22:08:00.003+08:00

"The Gift"

'Lou.' Ruth looked up from the dinner table and saw him first. She leapt out of her chair and ran to him. 'Lou, honey, are you okay? Did something happen?'

His mother rushed to get a towel for him.

'I'm fine,' he sniffed, cupping her face with his hands and not taking his eyes off her. 'I'm fine now. I was calling,' he whispered. 'You didn't answer.'

'Pud hid the phone again,' she said, studying him with concern. 'Are you drunk?' she asked in a whisper.

'No,' he laughed 'I'm in love,'he whispered back, then raised his voice so that the whole room could hear. 'I'm in love with my beautiful wife,' he repeated He kissed her fully on the lips, then breathed in her hair, kissed her neck, kissed her everywhere on her face, not caring who was there to see. 'I'm sorry,' he whispered to her, barely able to get words out of his mouth, his tears were so heavy.

'Sorry about what? What happened?'

'I'm sorry for the things that I've done to you. For being the way I was. I love you. I never meant to hurt you.'

Ruth's eyes filled. 'Oh, I know that, sweetheart, you already told me, I know.'

'I just realised that when I'm not with you, I'm ruthless,' he smiled, and his tearful mother - who'd returned with a towel - laughed and clapped her hands, before grabbing her husband's hand at the table.

'To all of you,' he pulled away from Ruth, but wouldn't let go of her hand, 'I'm so sorry to all of you.'

'We know that, Lou, ' Quentin smiled, emotion thick in his voice. 'It's all water under the bridge now. Okay? Stop worrying and sit down for dinner, it's all okay.'

Lou looked to his parents, who smiled and nodded. His father had tears in his eyes and nodded emphatically that it was all okay. His sister Marcia was blinking fiercely to stop her tears, moving the silverware around on the table.

They dried him, they loved him, they kissed him, they fed him, though he wouldn't eat much. He told them in turn that he loved them, over and over again, until they were laughing and telling him to stop. He went upstairs to get a change of clothes before, according to his mother, he caught pneumonia. While upstairs, he heard Pud crying and immediately left his bedroom and hurried to his son's room.

The room was dark, with just a night light. He could see Pud wide awake and standing up against the railings of his cot like a woken prisoner held captive by the sleep army. Lou switched the light on and went inside. Pud viewed him angrily at first.

'Hey there, little man,' Lou said gently. 'What are you doing awake?'

Pud just gave a quiet little moan.

"oh, come here.' Lou leaned over the railings and lifted him up, holding him close in his arms and shushing him. For the first time ever, Pud didn't scream the house down when his father came near him. Instead, he smiled, pointed a finger in Lou's eye, in his nose, then in his mouth, where he tried to grab his teeth.

Lou started laughing. 'Hey, you can't have them. You'll have your own soon, though.' He kissed Pud on the cheek. 'When you're a big boy, all sorts of things will happen.' He looked at his son, feeling sad that he would miss all of those tings. 'Mind Mummy for me, won't you,' he whispered, his voice shaking.

Pud laughed, suddenly hyper, and blew bubbles with his lips.

Lou's tears quickly disappeared at the sound of Pud's laughter. He lifted him up, put Pud's belly on his head and started jiggling him about. Pud laughed so hard, Lou couldn't help but join in.

From the corner of his eye, Lou saw Lucy at the door watching them.

'Now, Pud,' he spoke loudly, 'how about you and I go into Lucy's room and jump on her bed to wake her up - what do you think?

'No, Daddy!' Lucy laughed, exploding into the room. 'I'm awake!'

'Oh, you're awake too! Are you both the little elves that help Santa?'

'No,' Lucy laughed Pud laughed too.

'Well then, you'd better hurry to bed, or else Santa won't come to the house if he sees you awake.'

'What if he sees you?' she asked.

'Then he'll leave extra presents,; he smiled.

She ruffled up her nose. 'Pud smells of poo. I'm getting Mummy.'

'No, I can do it.' He looked at Pud, who looked back at him and smiled.

Lucy stared at him as though he were insane.

'Don't look at me like that,' he laughed. 'How hard can this be? Now come on, buddy , help me out here.' He smiled at Pud nervously. Pud's open palm smacked his father across the face playfully. Lucy howled with laughter.

Lou laid Pud down on the ground, so that he wouldn't wriggle off the changing mat on top of the unit that Ruth used.

.
.
.
.
.

'You're supposed to put that cream on next.'
'Thanks. You'll always take care of Pud, won't you, Lucy?'
She nodded solemnly.
'And you'll take care of Mummy?'
'Yesssss.' She punched the air.
'And Pud and Mummy will take care of you,; he said, finally grabbing Pud's podgy legs and pulling him from under the cot and along the carpet while Pud screeched like a pig.

'And we'll all take care of Daddy!' she hurrahed, dancing around.
'Don't worry about Daddy, he said quietly, trying to figure out which way to put the nappy on. Finally he got the gist, and quickly closed the buttons on Pud's suit. 'Tonight we're going to let him sleep without his pyjamas.' He tried to sound sure of himself.

'Mummy puts the lights out so that he gets sleepy,' Lucy whispered.

'Oh, okay, let's do that,; Lou whispered, turning off the lights so that the Winnie the Pooh night light was all that circulated on the ceiling.

Pud made a few gurgles and spurts, non-words as he watched the lights.

Lou hunkered down in the darkness, pulling Lucy close to him, and he sat on the carpet hugging his little girl and watched the pooh bear of very little brain chasing a honeypot on the ceiling. It was his moment to tell her now.
'You know that no matter where Daddy is, no matter what's happening in you life, no matter if you're sad or happy or lonely or lost, remember that I'm always there for you. Even if you don't see me, know that I'm in here,' he touched her head, 'and I'm in here,' he touched her heart. 'And I'm always looking at you, and I'm always proud of you and of everything you do, and when you sometimes question how I ever felt about you, remember right now, remember me saying that I love you, my sweetheart. Daddy loves you, okay?'

'Okay, Daddy,' she said sadly. 'What about when I'm naughty? Will you love me when I'm naughty?'
'When you're naughty,' he thought about it, 'remember that Daddy is somewhere always hoping that you'll be the best that you can be.'
'But where will you be?'
'If I'm not here, I'll be elsewhere.'
'Where is that?'
'It's a secret,' he whispered, trying to hold back his tears.
'A secret elsewhere,' she whispered back, her warm sweet breath on his face.
'Yeah.' He hugged her tight, and tried not to let a sound pass his lips as his tears fell, hot and thick.

Downstairs in the dining room, there wasn't a dry eye in the house as they listened tot he conversation in Pud's nursery over the baby intercom. For the Sufferns they were tears of joy because a son, a brother and a husband had finally come back to them.

(pp. 292-297 of Cecelia Ahern's "The Gift".)

xxx xxx xxx

At least he knew sth was wrong.
At least he had the time to come back and fix things up, to make things better before he died.
How many people had the chance to do so?

It was sad that he had to leave so suddenly but he is still one lucky chap I must say.

;)

toddley in action

2009-06-01T12:12:00.003+08:00

toddley in action

I think i'm morphing into a housewife soon.

Mum is taking care of a 4 yr old kid. And i'm currently hmm.. her assistant.
So, I'm a part-time Baby-Sitter Assistant (BSA).
woahahah

Toddley is from Msia and has acquired a Msian accent in English and Mandarin. (note: Toddley is now immitating me, sitting beside me and using her toy n a book as an imagined 'laptop'. And start typing furiously beside me.. lke wat i'm doing now. Then she try to imagine herself as an operator, uttering some gibberish... msian accent english which i cant decipher while typing on the 'keyboard'.) HAHAH...

Alrighty, i'm v tired now.. and she cant stop talking as usual...

yaba da bada bada...

help~~~

hahaha

我。回来了

2009-05-25T23:24:00.004+08:00

我。回来了

a memorable trip.
with mixed feelings.
I've come out of it feeling triumphant and wiser.
I've grown up a little again.. :)

what i've gained is not too bad for a mere 9 days ;)
P.S: And special thanks to grace for carrying bags for me and walking side by side with me, if not after me... jus to make sure tt my leg is alright.
Although u wont get to read it cos u dunno my blog add, I need to mention it here.
In this special space of mine.

:)

Flying Duck...

2009-05-14T14:13:00.003+08:00

Flying Duck...

Duck will be away from 15th May to 23th May for Grad trip at Taiwan!!!
Dun call me but its ok to sms me. Cos its FOC for me :D

wohahaha... ok, this picture is nt v appropriate. i cant find one w my duck on e plane. So, this time round, I'm bringing it along for holiday.

Till then, may all take care and miss me!

:D,
Quack

randomly erratic emotions

2009-05-09T01:41:00.002+08:00

Randomly erratic emotions.

i jus wana fly.
save me fr those freaking miscellaneous stuffs.

!@##$#$%^&*

actually there's nothing wrong w anyone of us,
jus tt we hve quite diff preferences n thinking..
ha.. come to think of tt, i dun think i can accept my other half to have quite a diff take or outlook on things. Its abt the dynamics.. cant explain in words exactly. u jus know it. The feeling's jus nt right.
(Ha. hw did i even come to this topic? U see wat frustration can do to u huh. ahha)

Anw,
I've graduated but I'm Jobless now. I'm still going for my grad trip. With my own savings.
And I kinda lke the combi.
;)

counting down.. to the very last exam.

2009-05-05T17:50:00.003+08:00

Counting down....
to the very last exam.

OMG OMG OMG

ahhahaha

adrenaline rush...

i cant bear to sit for the last exam of my student life.
i shall tear aft sitting for my last paper for my uni life. i'll roll down the hall... wohahah

I'll miss the exam halls, the familiar busy walkway fr library to arts canteen...
the incredible yong tau foo queue... the salty jap food... the forever forgetful waffle auntie (who nv fail to ask me wat kind of waffle i wanted when I just told her 5 seconds ago... and she still dare to give me kaya waffle when i ordered peanut butter flavour and.. vice versa. HAHA)... the slow ba chor mee store auntie... the quirky fruit juice stall auntie...

eh.. its all abt food huh. woahahhha...
It's dinner time..

signing off for dinner,
one day to unofficial grad duck

the 17th april post...

2009-04-18T20:49:00.002+08:00

the 17th april post...

omg.. haha.. jus realized tt elvin ng wrote about susan boyle too.. on 17th april.

:)

It's nice to know that there's another self-reflexive soul out there...

somewhere...

;)

Susan Boyle

2009-04-17T12:51:00.002+08:00

Susan Boyle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Nobody believed she could sing the way she sang.
The cynicism, the mocking, the sneering from the audiences and the panel.
A share of it.. from you and me.

Shock.
Her voice gripped your heart.
The song gripped your heart because it was sang by her.
The feeling was so tremendous juxtaposing with the earlier ridicule.

And when she finished delivering her piece, she walked away.
Perhaps, she was nervous; Perhaps, she has already made her point.
All she wanted to do is to sing in front of a huge audience.
After 47 years of her life.
she made this move.
But it was more than that,

she herself... is a fairytale to the modern, cynical bunch of city dwellers.
Touching our heart so deeply.
leaving us speechless and teary-eyed, regardless of our age.

And now, there is a sudden huge outburst of attention dedicated to the simple, village girl.
Fanclub? Websites? Interviews?
No matter how short-lived the attention,
no matter how ridiculous this surge of attention seems...
At least, she made an impact to those who watched that performance.
perhaps a 'wakeup call' as mentioned by the female judge,
we need more of such fairytales to reflect and to be touched by the beautiful things that happen in our lives.

Yes, I'm an NUS Sociology Hons kid!

2009-04-16T22:29:00.003+08:00

Yes, I'm an NUS Sociology Hons kid!

:)

1 more week to my exam.
1 more week to my last exam.

Half-time break...

2009-04-02T11:56:00.004+08:00

Half-time break...

Well well well... I've just handed up my health research proposal to our dear Korean Prof here. :) Everybody felt so insecure about this term paper, cos its very different from the 'normal' term papers that we have been doing for 4 years. Its too quantitative.. ahhaahah. So all of us felt like exams have ended right after we handed up a term paper and began snapping picture with dear Korean prof. And he was so shy. HAAHA...
A real decent man with principles and strong moral values, thats what i conclude from the past 11 weeks :) Er.. as for the grades, i cant rlly conclude.. cos we still dun really know what he wants. HAHA!

Gosh.. I cant believe it, 2 more weeks later i'll be sitting for my final final final final exams! I'm not so concerned about the exams. HAHAH.. i mean i do, but i'll miss my uni life more. Hons year was intellectually satisfying and I like the different types of challenges that keeps pushing us to adapt and move away from our comfort zone. I don't particularly miss some people, but rather the school.

Got an sms from my fren.. a fren whom I gone through a lot with in my hons year.

"... Somehw everytime I tok or lk at ur msg i will smile. .. Also u r so swt. Touched. I wana tear. To noe tt u will be there n tt i am nt alone. jia you for ur xxx paper. After tt i guess we just hve to figure out a way for stats bt we will cum to tt..."

I like this kind of relationship. We have our own space and own life to lead, but we are bound together in some ways.. to complete some things together. And we know that our encouragements and presence for each other keep us going. Speaking about that, i need to keep some distance away from another friend again. I enjoy being with her but it gets very frustrating to feel suffocated. Oh boy, and e moment i type this sentence, she just called me again. Perhaps everybody's notion of 'friendship' and 'closeness' mean different things altgt. No matter what, its time to distance myself a bit from her again. Ha..

Lastly, I received a call from the funny uncle again. He told me that I've won myself either 优异奖 or 特别奖 for the 国际散文比赛。And I don't remember feeling very excited or what, cos i was rushing my health essay when he called. Ha! Oh well, but its nice to know that the first 3 prizes were non-Singaporeans too. HAHAHA... onli 3 Singaporeans got into the finals and we were the youngest of all. The rests were from Malaysia, China, Thailand.. blah blah. And i'm proud of myself, cos i spent about 2 -3 days (not full days somemore) to write that essay. woahah..

Thank you. I will continue to write... for myself and people who understand the subtle words i piece together to tell a story, a story about you and me. Somehow, we all can find ourselves in the story i write.

:)

The last presentation of my Uni years...

2009-03-12T22:37:00.003+08:00

The last presentation of my Uni years...

2 presentations this week.. and basically, they mark the last presentations of my uni life. The last presentation delivering to my profs, my classmates and nt forgetting the exciting Q&A sessions. Actually, given the daunting deadlines for all the term papers looming altogether this point of time, I din't realize about the last presentation until a group mate voiced it out.

And you feel a mixed feeling. Abit of excitement, gasping, sadness and nostalgic. A little bit of everything, a moment to remember. To write it down somewhere. Once that moment is gone, it would be another one of those sweet memories that you tot of once in a while. And you know how it would put a smile on your face.

I've been exposed to and doing public speaking even before I got into primary school.

We do it for.. competition, for performance, for sch projects and what have you.

What do you hope to achieve or what do you want your listeners to take away after you have said your piece? Or do you just intend to finish your part of the presentation and past it to your peers, hoping that the listeners did not catch you stammering or the little piece of paper on your hand shaking uncontrollably? We have all kinds of presenters, isn't it? :)

How many presenters can make an impact on their listeners? If you remember the presenter, what do you remember him or her for?

I don't know what others will remember me for, if they do.
But this is what I want to remember before I forgot about it:

When I was a little girl, I spoke before the audiences to tell them my story. Not life story, I mean.. I am just a small girl. But.. it was the little stories that happened to me that I wanted to share with them. Who is my best friend.. how many sibling i have... whats my happiest day of my life.. my sad day..
And my audiences enjoyed it. I knew they would listen and like it because the feelings and stories I tell them, I tell them from the bottom of my heart.

Then as we grow up, we give presentations on academic work. Not about ourselves. Not telling other people about our stories and feelings. But that doesn't mean that people only listen to the academic work and don't know anything about you. With the changing nature of presentation in our schooling years, where we got busy having project meetings and preparation for presentations, sometimes, we forgot about the tinge of happiness or things we hope to share with others like how we used to do when we were young. It's easy to forget. Especially when you do presentations so frequently.

But what you have learnt from your research, what you want to share with other people and the little agencies you have as the presenter to tell your audience something you feel is important. And the little nods and smile of appreciation that you get from them, sometimes unexpected laughters because of your little antics here and there.. your little expressions... I always enjoy these moments. Cos you enjoy your own presentations just like how they enjoy it. Its a 2 way thing. What do you look out for in the presenter? For me, the confidence and stage presence is one thing, but the way a person presents or talk about things tells me sth about him/her. I don't like cocky presenters, overconfident presenters.. I like confident, not self-assuming speaker who can strike a chord with me.. some form of connection. How about you?

Alrighty.. its gettin late.. and i need to sleep and give my last presentation of my uni life in a few hours time.. so.. goodnite.

And this is a grp photo of our last presentation that we have placed in our last slide of our presentation.. :)

Thank you :)

*take a bow*

The last term break...

2009-03-01T22:01:00.003+08:00

The last term break...

So, here I am.. blogging about my last term break, which lasted for erm.. a week.
So what have I done for this week? Quite a number of things .. but not for sch work. HAHAHA... oh well.. hey.. its my last break ok!!

A few things worth mentioning...

I watched a play staged by the social work hons cohort. Frankly speaking, it is quite a good effort and I was quite moved by the team work and joint memories that they have created for themselves. Of cos, you cant judge it with professional plays but i think they have all done a good job and its worth a good round of applause. Its nice that i didn't think too much or too in-depth while watching the play like how i alwys do. Just relax, appreciate their effort and congratulate them for the good team effort. A great initiative and many years down the road, I'm sure they will remember how proud they are to be the social work hons cohort in 2009. Sweet, isn't it? :)

I watched "Slumdog Milionaire". And was moved by the little details, realism and human spirits that triumphed despite adversities. The montages, the artistic capturing of human lives and conditions were nice and thought-provoking. The kind of environment that they are living in, the temperament of a character and why he or she react in a certain way... both heart-wrenching yet with a tinge of envy in some ways. And its hard to explain.

The controversies that comes along after it was shot to fame. The scrutiny.. whether justifiable or uncalled for are just part of the price for the fame.

And that's reality. It's not merely about acting.. not merely about directing a film. It's a whole load of complications bugging you. Some learn to deal with the complications fairly well. Some totally give up trying to explain things to other people. After a while, some might even forgot the initial passion for acting out somebody's story... for directing a story ... to tell the world a story.
The initial dream and passion... the romanticized dream and passion.
Those who manage to understand them all, still with that burning passion at the end of the day, find the purpose in what they have been doing all this while :)

Memories of the documentary "Born into Brothels" kept appearing in my mind at one point of time while watching "Slumdog". Another good documentary to look out for :)

Last but not least, I received an sms stating that my literary writing has been chosen for the final round of selection for an international competition. some 国际华文散文创作比赛. No matter what, my work will most probably be published in a book. That's what the person-in-charge told me. And it's pretty funny, tt uncle (person-in-charge) asked me the very first thing when we talked on the phone, "你是不是参加xxx唱歌比赛的？我有去看你唱歌表演的。。"

hahahah... uncle, I've retired quite some time ago.

hahah.. ;)

smiling...

2009-02-20T15:52:00.002+08:00

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it ~ Andy Rooney

If you smile while sitting alone with strangers strudding past you, without that tinge of awkwardness, you are really happy. ~ Duck

You were walking alone, yet you feel so warm and satisfied in this strange world.
You are perhaps in love with the strange world.
Oh, wait! Perhaps, the strange world is in love with you. Ya, I'm pretty sure. :)

Met my Supervisor to discuss about my research paper. She asked me whether I've found another character referee (she couldnt be my referee cos she is just a PR.. apparently they wanted a Singapore citizen). She said she really want to be my character referee cos she cant wait to tell them (whoever they are ) how nice and good i am.. cheerful... lovely blah blah . And that she rmbed my first assignment that i handed up in my 2nd yr of uni where i drew myself and my house... cos she love tt drawing very much. hahah...( i cant recall what exactly she said. .. cos apparently so many nice things has been said about me.. so.. HAHAA).. And i covered my face w my file and said.. "ah.. i'm shy.." HAHAHHA.....

I guess that started my day right. I'm happy. yayyy
ahahahaha.

Ha.. no la.. actually seeing her cheers me up. Well.. at least she is beginning to understand what I'm doing or my focus is. Instead of situating my research in a really macro, out-of-the-world classical theories. Its funny, how i felt lke a little girl.. stammering abit in the beginning as I updated her about my progress or what inspired me as i was doing my research. She has this intensive, serious, "i'm v into you.. i'm listening really hard and attentively" expression tt she puts on her without fail. She is so cute!!! HAHAAH...

Sometimes, I dun even know if she is puzzled or she is so intrigued by my idea. Then she will suddenly jump off her seat telling me, "OHH! you should read this xxxx.... he writes abit on this.. and its very interesting... "and start rummaging through her super duper messy shelves of books and papers strewn around. And she will know exactly which level of the shelf to plunge into. But... she will nv find the book.

HAHHAHA.. ok, maybe once or twice. Most of the time, she will mumble to herself, "I rmb putting xxx book here... hmmm... where could it be?" And i would just hide my smiley face or sometimes just burst out laughing.. but in a erm.. u know polite and amusing way. That's my Sup.

Elvin Ng's latest blog entry oso cracked me up.. hahaha.. so cute.

:)

2009-02-05T19:50:00.002+08:00

:)

Hmm.. I've jus realized tt my entries are pretty emo recently. And thanks a lot for all ya concerns :) I'm fine!! Haha.. jus need to leash out some feelings at times. We all have our fair share of emotional outbursts at times.. and its a pity tt its usually the nt very pleasant ones tt hit us badly. No matter wat, we all will find our way back... nt back to the old 'self' strictly speaking because we've gone through certain things. But somewhat, on the right track to go thru it and grow. To be surprised and amused by life's simplest things all over again. Including you, yourself. That's the tenacity everyone is capable of. Provided that you try :)

Happy Chinese New Year to all.

2009-02-01T00:18:00.005+08:00

突然好想你

一首给我感触很多的歌曲。
总是能触摸到心里的某一处。
心里的某一个深处。
满腹愁绪，不知从何说起。

“突然好想你, 你会在哪里?
过的快乐或委屈?
突然好想你, 突然锋利的回忆。
突然模糊了眼睛。”

突然好想念... 以前的自己。

突然记不起... 以前的自己。

xxx xxx xxx

不好意思，最近总是以比较凝重的情绪填补这个小小的空间。

越来越看不见周围美丽的事物。

因为越来越看不见自己了...

好累，有时候不知道为什么那么累。
不管怎么样，我必须好好投入应该要做好的东西。
赶快找回动力，好好地读完最后一个学期。
好好珍惜它。好的坏的，所有的一切。
因为是最后一次了。

做什么，都需要那颗心。
小小的一颗心，难为你，辛苦你了。
我们一起努力吧。
把其他的，先搁在一边。

我尽力。

闷

2009-01-21T21:19:00.006+08:00

闷

难受，心中的闷气无法排解。
无法理解。
有时候，意义不在于理解。
只想要把闷气一股脑儿地发泄出来。
然后再继续生活。
然后才有力气...去生活。
去再次感受那花花绿绿都市所掀起的一波波冲击。

有些人不懂得珍惜。
也许是因为生活太平静了。
没有遇到贫境、一切得来太容易、幸福随手可得。
不需要担心或焦虑那短暂的幸福。
不了解为什么需要珍惜。

有些人不懂得珍惜，
因为身边的人是天使，而你是魔鬼。
天使懂得珍惜魔鬼还未醒来时的那片刻安宁。
魔鬼则会珍惜自己那放纵、放荡不羁的自然习性。
两者都很珍惜...
很珍惜...

但还是有人... 会受伤。

xxx xxx

像是被哽咽一样，
什么都不想说了。
因为一直都会存在着，
所以需要习惯。

哽咽的感觉不辛苦，
苦的是如何不把它当作一回事，平常地过好生活... ...

2009.

2009-01-01T18:47:00.001+08:00

2009.

Everybody rushes to write sth b4 2008 ends or at the beginning of 2009.
So here I am.
Not excited or having soaring high hopes for the coming year.
It's just another year.
I don't have the habit of writing down new year resolutions.
Perhaps I do it secretly in my mind, when i'm at different phases of my life.
Adjusting my feelings now and then, getting to know my feelings better...
Feeling fulfilled and satisfied for the little moments of happiness and bliss I'm blessed with throughout my life.

It's funny that I can't rlly recall what has happened at the end of the day, at the end of a year.
Can be a good thing, can be not.
Simple but complex.

No matter what,
祝福大家：平安，快乐，健康 in 2009 and the years beyond...

Merry Christmas 2008

2008-12-25T20:15:00.005+08:00

Merry Christmas 2008

A good holiday, a good break.
And i wish it could last even longer...
nah... but nt too long as well.
It would get boring.

I'm a blessed girl.
Feeling warm and fuzzy...
no matter how short lived it is,
treasure it.
ok, i din mean to end e entry this way.
but i mean.. its true.
Treasure it.

Have yourself a merry little christmas...
U know.. i was just thinkin.. i feel rllly happy 'wrapping up' xmas back at home.
with my loved ones... watching them safe and sound in our cosy home.
The weather is cold out there..
but my heart is kept warm, somehow, somewhere.

Somehow, going out n experiencing the festive mood is just a precursor to celebrate xmas.
A little gathering at home..
Meeting up w frens in town but ultimately..
The finale..
is still the home,
whatever way you wish to interpret 'home'...
It can be anywhere.. close to your heart.

I'm, a homely person.. :)

Merry X'mas and a happy new year to all... :)

冬至快乐！

2008-12-21T23:13:00.004+08:00

冬至快乐！

我突然很意外地发现到：
原来我做的这些形形色色的汤圆，不是乱来的OK！！

摘成一大粒一大粒圆坯，然后各人用手掌把它搓成一粒粒如桂元核大小的“丸子”，这就是“冬至暝搓丸”。其中最有兴趣的是：大人有的在捏元宝、聚宝盆；有的在捏小狗、小猪，取“运气好，狗仔衔元宝”及“做狗，做猪，做元宝”的俗谚，寓有“财源广进、六畜兴旺”的意思。
(http://baike.baidu.com/view/16674.htm)

Huat ah!!
我啊哈哈哈哈！！

xxx xxx xxx

放在手心，撮撮柔柔，捏成不同的形状。
有一颗颗简单、圆圆满满的传统手工汤圆，
也有调皮逗趣的“小猪”、“鸭子”、“车子”汤圆。

通通吃进肚子，面团搅和在一起。
各种各样的幸福也暖和在心里。

:)

空

2008-12-19T11:28:00.005+08:00

空

我的每一天不是环绕着你而活的。
从开始认识到现在，已经几个月了... 我需要自己的空间。
我需要自己的空间给其他我也关心的人、需要自己的空间去生活。
没有很快地会回应你的简讯，让你不好受。
有种咄咄逼人的感觉。
让我有种压迫感。
很多时候，不是第一时间可以回应你。
没有回应你，不代表不在乎你。
但你真的不明白，我有点失望。
友情与爱情都一样，需要给彼此空间。

最大的问题，应该是，感情是需要互动的。
I cannot make sense of my feelings when it means being emotionally drained and being there for someone whom I don't even feel connected with or have chemistry with in the first place.
我们真的不是要好的朋友。
对你而言，我可能是你很好的朋友。
但是，跟你在一起的那种火花，真的对我来说，只是普通朋友。
我有努力，可是感觉与火花这回事，不是单单努力可以换来的。
感觉对我来说，很重要。
没有感觉，就是没有感觉。
没办法。

对于我给你的鼓励与关心，我没有半点的虚假。
我有付出感情，我真的希望你可以幸福、快乐。
但是，我也需要休息。
竟然已经到了一种‘我不想知道太多’的阶段。
每一次的对话，我都把空间，精力留给你。
但是长期下来，面对一个自己没什么感觉的朋友，我很累。
我需要其他的空间去了解你，需要自己的空间过自己的生活。

留言

2008-12-17T14:50:00.005+08:00

留言

我最喜欢的几米绘本里写了这一段：
“总在快乐的时候感到有些慌恐，在开怀大笑时流下感动的泪水。
我无法相信单纯的幸福，对人生的起伏悲喜，既坦然又不安。”

我一生起伏不定，不知下一刻是悲是喜。昨天，我感受到单纯的幸福。回想起来，心里还有那一丝丝的感动。思贤，很高兴认识你这位新朋友，在我生活增添了幸福的一页。朋友，谢谢你。:D

我没被几米的那段话而感动.
我被每个人自己独特的生命机遇与感受而感动.

Down

2008-11-29T20:07:00.003+08:00

Down

In a freaking down mood...

Anything jus pissed me off..

No.. it has got nothing to do w the past 2 papers..

I dunno wats happening to me... but i'm glad tt i'm graduating soon.

Maybe I just cant wait for the long awaited short holiday.

I need the break badly. To take a breather.

To recharge, to rest, to not walk along that unfamiliar stretch of road alone...

B4 i do so again.

It's the same path all along,

but the feeling is no longer the same.

Even if the same old people walk together along the same old pathway once again,

It wont be the same anymore.

Perhaps the nostalgia,

is the only consolation.

P.S: love the sunset today....

but i need to focus.
to go back to mugging. I can do it.

aja aja fighting!!!

For the heartfelt confessions...

2008-11-19T01:06:00.004+08:00

For the heartfelt confessions...

a friend was telling me about her mixed feelings... anxieties, fear, sadness, complex feelings for her buddy.. whom she liked before and was not sure whether she still likes him or not.

It wasn't the usual story that sounded familiar.. and the little heart-wrenching feeling you feel for the unrequited love or not knowing wat to do w the complex emotions...

Cos its more complicated..

The friend is ill and needed to go for an operation.
The side effect of the operation: possible permanent memory loss.
The operation would be held one day before her exam ends.

We talked about this for quite a few occasions.
She struggled to meet him b4 the operation.. but she knows she would break down in front of him.. and din rlly know how to comfort him.

She finally toked about her greatest fear jus now...
And I was pretty shocked that she asked me this.. so .. directly... without any pretense...

I was shocked that she dared to ask such a difficult question to someone she hardly know..

Cos its rlly a tough question...

"wad shud i do if he forgets me?"

"forget the 9years of frenship..."

I thought of this question silently to myself the very first time she told me about this ...
even b4 she asked me jus now..
I din rlly hve an answer that time.. was jus thinkin abt it.. I was more preoccupied with other tots.

And i replied her from the bottom of my heart, without any pretense.
I din wana try to console her that maybe he wont lose his memory.. blah blah blah..
I din wana assure her that he needs her to be there for him... anymore.
Its time to face the harsh real question, that we all try to make sense of...

"then build more years of frenship w him...

create new memories w him...

its a new beginnin for him... give him a chance... to know u again"

And both of us felt the emotions stirring within us.

For the heartfelt confessions..

失落的季节。

2008-11-12T20:39:00.004+08:00

失落的季节。

身边的朋友似乎都感到不开心。
不同的原因，不同的机遇
心情却是一样的...低落。

失落的心情，
穿插在一个忙碌的季节。

刚刚回到家。
思绪还是有点儿杂乱。
可能因为外面太多闲杂的事务，天气又好冷。
而且，离开之前，知到朋友心情还是很低落。
她今晚不打算回家，我却回家。
很意外她会把事情告诉我，毕竟我们才刚认识不久。
我也只把她当作普通的朋友。
她问我，“Can you come out to do work?"
我知道我不可以。
但是我还是去陪她。
因为我有必要这么做。
虽然帮不上什么忙，但至少可以转移她的精神。

今天，雨不停地下着。
路人的脚步连绵不断。
有些人停下了脚步，在一旁歇脚。
外在的事物影响了你行驶的步伐。
但实际上，一切都没有改变。
停止了脚步，
心态依旧没有改变，
心里还是想着工作、想着自己。
站在离自己几公分的路人，也没察觉到。
即使有，也不重要。
自己比较重要。

难怪人会这么的不快乐。
即使外在的因素让我们停下了繁忙的脚步，很多时候，东西的本质却仍然没有改变。

祝愿所有的朋友：平安、快乐。

Published.

2008-10-22T22:52:00.002+08:00

Published.

Its finally out.. the 10th Singapore Tertiary Chinese Literature Award Publication is out.
The design and packaging is so much better than last year's. Ha.

And the title is simple, unassuming in its own way.
But.. got character.
I like.

“我就喜欢写”

Last year's was called “自由。生命”.
Can't help but feel that it sounded pretty 'communistic'. Ha.

xxx xxx xxx

I sought some form of comfort from the chanting that came from the funeral wake at the void deck.
Comfort sounds weird, consolation sounds more appropriate isn't it?
But i wasn't feeling any sense of consolation.
Why should i be feeling a sense of consolation?
I only felt a sense of peace and calm aura within me.
within me.. yet invoked by an external stimulus.

At least, the chanting and prayers sounded more real than so many other things in life.
There were many relatives and friends present at the wake.
The place was brightly lit up and was filled with the noise and chattering from adults and kids.
The chanting was clear despite the noise.
Until it came to a point when all i can hear is... the chanting.

And that feeling was nice.

ASH..

2008-10-15T19:05:00.001+08:00

ASH..

Alone..

Stranded...

Hungry....

Updates...

2008-10-13T18:07:00.003+08:00

Updates...

How boring is the title of this entry. But, i'm rlly tired. ha. not physically, but mentally and emotionally. So much things to do and no time at all to slow down my footsteps. Hell of a sem. It doesnt help tt my group projs were not progressing well. And everybody cant be bothered with other ppl except themselves. Deadlines are drawing close and hiccups are everywhere.. there's no time to understand or make sense of wats goin on. Pretty depressing and I felt like a lone ranger going thru the hassle aimlessly in my life.

Well, shant dwell on it. Anw, Public Policy Challenge 2008 has just ended yesterday evening. 2 and a half day stay in Changi Village Hotel was cool.. but too bad.. i din have much time to explore the vicinity and rest in my room. It was intensive case study all the way. hahah.. but it was a great experience. And having the company of 3 bodyguards was fun. hahahah.. bodyguards. Slum-dwellers sound more apt actually. woahahhah!

Presenting ... "Cookies & Cream" after our presentation has ended. Altou we din clinch the top 3 position due to some reasons, we were proud of ourselves. And we've come so far.. 15 teams selected out of 100 teams from nus, ntu and smu. Networking with top notch civil servants... being interviewed by reporters.. were quite fun.

Candid shot! Hahah.. all the silly faces.. and where's kw's shoes?!!

Departing shot... with our 'buddy'. My gosh.. an Assistant Director is our buddy!!!! And my buddy helped me carry my bag when I was doing presentation!! Thanks buddy! haha

Duck in blazer for the first time... haha.. :)

Thank you for all the sms-es, msges, calls and birthday celebrations (expected and surprises) from all my dear dear friends. Thank you.. my dearest buddies for celebrating bday with me despite ya busy schedules. And the surprise bday celebration from hons class was sweet too.
Thank you..

And time to face the harsh reality.. once again.

Knock knock, "you've got parcel..."

2008-10-04T15:03:00.004+08:00

Knock Knock, "you've got parcel..."

It was one sth in the afternoon.. and the postman came knocking on my door.

wat's inside?!

*gasp* wat is this yellow thing?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Wl!!!! ahhaah.. a birthday parcel from wl :)

*actually when i first saw e box.. i held it near my ears.. to listen for any 'ticking' sound. HAHAHA!!! Ermm... ahhahahah! jus an instinctive reaction wat. ahhah.. then i slowly pry open the opening.. so that i could peep thru a tiny opening.. big enuff to see one side of my face on the laminated card. I look at myself.. and my mind went blank for a second.. and i stare at my face.. hahaha! my sis n mum were lookin at me.. wondering wat i'm doin.

And then.. i got it! My face lit up and started muttering.. ''OHH!!! Omgg.. omg.." So sweet of you.. :)

And i shall end it with her quote.. that leaves a smile on my face: "to a good fren, who seldom meet but very very precious to me"

Thanks dear :)

cheers

2008-10-02T01:44:00.003+08:00

Cheers :)

Congrats to my dear sister on her ROM tt took place on 28th Sep 2008. The ROM ceremony was wayyy more meaningful than F1 race. I din catch anything on F1. hhahaha.. serious. I was too excited and immersed in the blissful affair. wats F1 man. ha.

Although I wasn't involved much for the prep of the ROM, I was still very busy helping out on the day itself. Afterall.. i'm the bride's sister ok! I take pride as the sister's bride. It rhymes ;p
Anw.. the whole day was busy, tiring but... blissful. Cos i know my dear dear jie jie has found her happiness. Nobody knows wats going to happen in the future. But my bro-in-law is rlly a great guy i must say. So.. both are rlly blessed, isn't it? :)

So i woke up at 6am and tagged along with the happy couple for makeup session.

Oh.. did i mention tt i was one of the main important.. highly talented photographer of the day?
hahah.. but rlly leh.. my sis loved the photos i took.

The 3 of us having lots of fun fooling around while the makeup artist tried to concentrate on dolling up the bride. woahahah.. oh.. the bridegroom was playing too!! HAHA!!

After the ROM ceremony officially ended, we had an unofficial photoshoot session. As expected, I provided my service for sister.. took loads of photos :) Took photos at Hort Park and Vivocity. Haha.. my ingenious idea - take photos at Vivo Toy's'rus!!! HAAHAHAH!! It was quite fun :D altou passers-by were staring at us.. well.. not me.. its the couple.. so i was rlly having fun snapping shots all over the place. I mean... this is my sister's ROM ok.. i dun care!!

This is one of my favourite shots!!! :) :) :)
bro-in-law was saying that it looked like they took this in Japan :)

Anw.. the solemnization ceremony was rlly special. I mean we heard those words in drama serials.. and in other ppl's solemnization ceremonies. But its different when you are witnessing your sister's solemnization ceremony. I caught mum looking away when i tried to look away.. so tt my tears wont fall. And i understood. Ha.. we din tear. I was videotaping the whole solemnization process.. i guess that helps ;)

And this is my sis' fav photo so far.

"Its only the beginning of another stage in your life. It would be a long long route ahead of you and at times, the route ahead might not be clear with nice openings lined up neatly for you. But it doesnt matter now.. may both of you find strength and courage with each other's company as you embark on this self-discovery journey. Discovering yourself and your other half...."

I guess this was what went through my mind when I took this photo....

Thanks for everything.
Just everything.

xxx xxx

On another happy note, my team got into the Public Service Challenge finals!!!
15 out of 100 teams selected from nus, ntu and smu. And we are one of them :)
And i've nv ever imagined myself taking part in some public policy competition.. haha.. life is full of surprises huh.

Alright.. i shall end this blog entry.. damn tired. The day is coming soon.. but I always have the problem of feeling emotional or i dunno.. when i grow older. Maybe its some depression in aging. woahhahahaha.. yea rite. hahaha..but i was truly happy last yr.. the party was great.

signing off,
sleepy duck.

Do you still remember..

2008-09-18T16:31:00.006+08:00

Do you still remember..

I rmbed last week, when I was on my way home after the 10pm lesson, I saw 2 little boys in the train with their mother. I was sitting beside them, stoning and staring blankly.. which i guess most of the passengers were doing that as well. The 2 boys got something from their mother and started playing with it. They were playing with paper lanterns. The lanterns merely had some simple designs on it, without those cartoon characters or fanciful pictures on them. Just a simple lantern, and both of them were smiling happily and proudly to themselves.

I cleanly forgot about the lanterns.
I rmbed that mooncake festival was coming soon.
But I've forgotten about the lanterns.

Sometimes, its not that adults do not play with lanterns anymore.
Perhaps... they are just too busy with whatever they are doing.
They forgot about it.
Children are forgetful too,
but they wont forget about certain things.
Certain important things in life.

xxx xxx xxx

Half a Sem has passed and I haven blogged about it. Sometimes when you are kept so busy, you literally dunno what to say or have any strong feelings about what has happened for the past few weeks. Simply bcos you dun have the time to reflect on what has happened or just let your tots run wild and free. All you know is that.. you are very busy. And sometimes, you dunno why you have been so busy altou u onli have a 2 days week! HAHAHAH!!!
This is such a mystery.

Well, hons year is quite different from the past 3 years. Definitely higher expectations, more competitive and a lot more things to do. I'm fine with it, its just that when you dun hve much time for ya family and yaself, you wont be in ya best mood at times. But I'm still enjoying my schooling days, definitely.

I love to be a student.
One year later, I'll miss working on a sociology term paper... ;)

A nice closure for The Olympics 2008 (for me)...

2008-08-23T22:32:00.002+08:00

A nice closure for The Olympics 2008 (for me)...

i) the season for clinching medals..
ii) when it ends, we are blessed with the precious memories of knowing someone from another part of the big big world.

Duck won the Singapore Tertiary Chinese Literature Award once again... :)
And this yr.. they've decided to give us sth additional.. a trophy.
Its weird.. e trophy reminds me of those trophies i got in primary school sports days.. haha! But this time round, its for literary writing.. not running.

Cheers to all who won the award this yr ( in the name of olympic spirit). But.. 3 THOUSAND CHEERS to all Singaporean born winners! WOAHAHHAHA!

xxx xxx

The Texas cousins.. uncle and aunt.
The stayover was memorable.

The hyperactive and mischievous little boy..
who cried when he cant sleep with his cousins (me n sis).
who refused to eat unless he sits with the ''yellow shirt cousin'' (me).
who refused to hold my dad's hand unless he holds mine as well.
who ran to me and hug me tightly when he sees me from a distance.
who grab my arms tightly/ suddenly "sayang" my face.
who said "hieeeee" to all stray cats tt we passed by in some coffeshops and claimed that the stray cats "hi" back to him when the cats merely meowed! -_- '''
who keeps asking me, "isnt that farrrneeyy??" in his american slang.

the little man who walked in front to protect the gals..
hahaha..
the kids claimed tt we r having a hair extension session. haha..

memories will soon be a distant recollection.. bits n pieces.. some seems familiar.. some jus simply slipped out of our mind as the years goes by.
Especially for the kids.. kids grow up so fast u know.
They wont rmb these little magical things tt they hve done.
The great memories they have left w us.

But no matter what.. no matter hw far the cousins are away from one another,
they are afterall..

cousins :)

Alas! Time to settle down...

2008-08-16T18:26:00.004+08:00

Alas! Time to settle down...

The first week of my hons yr has flew past. In fact, I wouldn't say tt it felt lke time has past pretty fast. 3 hours of seminar-styled class instead of 2 hours lecture does make a difference afterall. Especially when I have been accustomed to super-slack lifestyle for the past 3 mths. Its time to adapt to the 'new' lifestyle once again. haah..

Oh well, hons yr has already made an impression on me even tou the term has barely started. For the past 3 yrs of uni life, I hardly had a problem in getting and planning the modules for sch term. On the start of my 4th yr, surprisingly, I had to appeal to get e mods i want. And ok.. appeal another time to drop a disgusting module in exchange for another 'sounds daunting' module. Everything's not confirmed until yesterday. But it was a relieve... at least the admin part is settled for now.

Embarking on a somewhat new phase of learning journey and hanging out w new frens made me feel lke a primary school child for a moment. Just a moment. haaha. It also, ironically, made me felt lke an old person: realizing that many frens have left school ( grad fr sch i mean) and reliving some fond memories of school life w them (even tou i'm hanging out w new grps of frens). Some memories are simply just priceless. See, I'm really sounding lke an old granny lamenting on some fond memories in the past. *chuckle and reveal my set of fake denture*

But this is just, yet, another beginning. Making new frens.. in fact i've seen many of them thru'out the past 3 yrs in nus.. its jus tt for some of them, I dun lke their faces or the way they carry themselves. I mean some are just pure bitches or he-bitches. Some jus looked unfriendly. Some.. jus din get a chance to work with them or intro each other. Now, suddenly, u get to know most of them all at once. I felt pretty comfortable hangin out w some grps than other grps. Haha.. diff chemistry comes with diff combination of personalities as ppl interact w one another.
But, some of them, are really nice ppl and it will take time for friendship to blossom.. so let nature takes its own course. I alwys believe in affinity and chemistry. And i'm waiting for new surprises and friendships to make me feel blown away again :)

Next, time to tok abt a rather important issue: Course pack! HAHAHAH... ya.. course packs for my hons modules. I tell you.. they r sooo bloody thick. I can stack them tgt and they can pull it off as decent-looking encyclopedia. Or, they can also be used for weight-lifting. Hahah!!!! I was so pissed the other day when i bought 2 course packs... i mean they were so heavy tt i had so much difficulty tryin to do shopping.

On a happier note, I have.. for once in my almost 4 yrs in nus.. A 2-DAY WEEK!!!! *SCREAM ARD EXCITEDLY!!* I mean.. wat a feat!! I'm a 2-DAY WEEK KID!!! I'm like a part-time student and a full-time homemaker! hahahaahh.. WOHAHAHAHA.. muchahahhhah!! Dun be mistaken ok, I din plan for a 2 day week in e first place.. its bascially due to those appeal and droppin of mods frenzy tt resulted in such lovely arrangment :) hahahah.. i wanted a 3 day week but i've triumped over my original plan.. ahahah.
But of cos, i have a price to pay for it. I had a 12 hr school day on fridays.. 9hrs of seminars.. ahhaha.. I'm superduck!!! HEAR ME ROARRRR... i mean .. QUAACCCCKKK!

Since everything is more or less settled, its time to settle down.. mentally... and prepare for a challenging sem ahead. jia you!!!

Last but not least, I won the Singapore Tertiary Chinese Literature Award again :D :D
yayyy..
Prize-giving ceremony is next saturday, 23/8 at ntu. Free buffet again!! haaha..

I'm a glutton.. :)
lalallalaaaa....

Car wash? where's e car?!

2008-08-11T22:30:00.004+08:00

Car wash? BUT Where's the car?!!

The thing about washing a white car... its bloody tiring!!
I accompanied Dad n Mum to wash our white car, but ended up taking a little break.
(I rlly did help to wash the car ok, *v self-defensive* hahah.. i merely took a little break.)

I found a motorbike beside our car. Let's take some photos.. since i've got nothing to do.

See, i'm so cool !!! I'm duck knight!! dark and cool...

*VROOMMMM*

HEY WAIT!!! Where's my helmet?!

There u are! :D

Presenting.... my loud stylo 'helmet' !! *shriek* :D so chio!
MUAHAHAHHHAHA!!!

suddenly, I heard my mum screamed, "oei! where's my pink pail?!!!!! Who took it away?! "

Oh-oh.....

HAHAHAAH!

So many reasons to smile...

2008-07-28T21:29:00.006+08:00

So many reasons to smile...

I found my duck frens...

We tried to disguise as frogs.. kerropi.. takin pics behind big leaves..

Attempted 'emo' shot turned out to be a happy shot.

I found myself in her sunglasses..

We tot we were residing at some 'Bali' resort..

And we are.. cxxx.

WOAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHA...

Anw, there are still so many other things tt make me a happy kid. Most of the times, u dunno hw to put these feelings of bliss and happiness in words. Its just so special and magical, isn't it. The source of joy and happiness can come from anywhere, anytime. It just strikes you when you dun expect it for any particular reason.

Sometimes i wonder, how do ppl prepare for this feeling of bliss and happiness. Like when they say, “我一定会幸福快乐的”. I mean can you really, literally plan to feel this way? Maybe yes, maybe not. Maybe its a state of mind. Especially during weddings, who dun have this longing to have a blissful marriage? Ha.. shant go deeper, jus some random tots floating ard my mind.

Whatever it is, I'll just enjoy my happy mood right now.

Anw, bidding has started and sch is starting soon. Guess i'll need some time to get used to studying and attending seminars. We are goin to get back to our busy busy life. Fair enuff, I've had my share of the slacking phase. Time for some serious business. Time to collect my coursepack and flaunt ard! Woahahaha.. my motivation to study sociology. WOAHHAHAHAH! *faint*

I'm rlly looking forward to more exciting, happy and fun moments when the new semester begins. I'm sure it wld be :)

珍惜，谈何容易。

2008-07-22T00:34:00.004+08:00

珍惜，谈何容易。

年纪越大，就发现越来越多人渐渐地离开你。
畏惧，震惊，惊慌，
只是短暂而已。
很快就会忘记。
因为心碎的，是别人。
因为失去的，是别人。
惜福，需要自己失去后才能学会。
别人的经历，错误，毕竟是属于他人。
你必须去体验属于自己的过失，
才能真正的感觉到懊悔、痛心流涕的滋味。
这个时候才意识到什么叫“不要等到失去后，才后悔莫及”
下一句应当是：但这是人生必经的道路，这是人往往学会勇敢的一个重要开始。
勇敢地去爱护，疼惜你爱的人。
勇敢地...实行你的责任。
责任的内容，由你自己去摸索与定位。

祝探索旅程愉快。

xxx xxx

Chanced upon this picture and saved it.
Cant imagine all the controversies and animosities it gets to arouse from viewers.
How eye-catching; how mind-boggling; how tantalizing; how provocative.
The tot of it.
The tot of them.
Very bold to come out with this and design this 'architecture'.

Frankly speaking,
I'm not very interested to know if anything happens in this place called heaven.
I mean.. we cant even deal with this place, called earth.

Earth is a place where everything is happening.
Earth is a place where we all live in.
Earth is definitely not a place where nothing ever happens.

i love wafer.

2008-07-08T16:16:00.007+08:00

I love wafer.

Once upon a time, 2 little gals were strolling along a simple, humble neighbourhood.

An aromatic familiar tinge of sweet scent lingered in the air.

"ahhhh!! WAFFLE!!" the excited gals shrieked.

The gluttons followed the sweet scent and found themselves in a simple, homely bakery.

They looked everywhere in the bakery for signs of the lovely waffle..

Nope.. no signs of waffles.

But the gals found a perculiar eye-catching sign instead.

It says, "WAFER".

"Coooool... there's no waffles .. but wafer (silicon chip) in a bakery?!!" The gals looked at each other and grinned.

So, the 2 kids decided to give it a try... they wondered hw wafer tasted like.

So, each bought a share of the silicon .. i mean wafer.. and nimbled carefully. Allowing the taste of warm wafer to sink in...

On tt faithful day, they learnt sth new...

"wafer in bakeries taste exactly like waffle."

In the end, the 2 gals left the shop and chuckled uncontrollably on their way home.

Wafer made their day :)

So, what are you waiting for?!!!
Get ya share of WAFER today! :D

*Disclaimer: no harm has been intended to the lovely baker, bakery or wafer in the course of blogging this entry. No wafer has been hurt in the process*

the last long holiday for a student like me...

2008-06-27T22:45:00.003+08:00

The LAST long holiday for a student like me...

I'm having my 3 months long holiday (yes, v long i know) but keep in mind tt it's goin to be my very last 3 months long school holiday as well.

Ha.

And here i am, tryin to make this one a memorable one. The last real break for a student, for a soon-to-be working adult. Yes, now u see how precious this 3 mths has become? ahhaha..

Might sound kinda ironic for some ppl if u were to learn hw i've spent my 1 mth holiday so far.
I've been rlly literally relaxing, rotting, decomposing happily in my own world. Spending time watching tv, surfing net, snuggling onto the alwys-so-cozy bed, watching some taiwanese hokkien drama w my mum, disturbing my mum cos i hve so much time, shopping, outings, meeting up w frens, writing and composing...

It's not tt i cant meet up w frens during sch term.. but the mood and feeling is a little different. Catching up w frens felt especially meaningful esp during this holiday. It's like you feel tt all of us are growing up.. some are graduating and looking for jobs, some lke me are waiting for the last final year - the last lap b4 we bid gdbye to study life. Perhaps its some psychological effect, but i cant help but notice hw diff we are during sch term n during the holiday. During sch term, all are busy n drained from projs and exams. Meet ups usu end off w the need to rush off for proj meetings.. for lecs.. for tutorials blah blah. Now, at least we hve the mood and energy to laze ard and even give tt extra attn to one another. Things u havent noticed, the other side of ya frens tt u've nv paid attention to...
suddenly, u've come to appreciate them even more than before.

Maybe when u r not so busy, not so drained off, not so tired,
you begin to see the better side of the world.
No matter how short lived this lovely angle of the world tt u've noticed ,
it's still a blessing.
Some ppl jus dun understand this.

Anw, it has onli been a month plus of slacking ard and i felt lke i've been doin this for lke years.
hahaha... yeah.. what a typical busy urban dweller kinda mindset. Sloggin our lives out.. sometimes dunno for wat.. jus act busy n tot u've achieved n did a lot. If u tell some urban dwellers hw u've been relaxing during the holidays.. they raised their eyebrowns and give u tt "wth.. hw can u nt do anything during the long holidays?!! cant u lke.. do sth?"
Aiyoh.. as if i din do anything.. i did so much.. i slept so much.. ate so much.. shopped so much.. and the list goes on.. u get it. ahahha.. but to them, these are ... NOTHING...u r not doing ANYTHING.

the simplest pleasures in life.. yet alwys taken for granted.
Alwys neglected n deemed to be too simplistic.
Simple yet easily forgotten.

And i've recalled an incident plant* has encountered during her job interview recently. The interviewer sounded scornful n couldnt believe tt plant* hasnt been doing 'anything' for e past one mth or so.. apart fr goin for a grad trip n sending her resumes for job.
I find tt rlly hilarious. ahahahah..
And e interviewer commented tt she shd hve taken up some courses or odd job to spend her 1 mth properly.
*laugh n roll on e floor*
wat a loser.
Period.
No, wat i mean is tt.. i suspect tt e interviewer is hving her.. erm.. ya period.
wohahahaahhaha...

Anw, i think its rlly a matter of personal choice n preference in hw one spend his holiday. Be it occupied with temp jobs, slacking, taking up courses blah blah... as long as u enjoy hw u spend ya time. Then, ya time is spent wisely :) Nobody has the right to tell u tt u shdnt work during the holiday. Neither do they hve the right to scorn u when u supposedly did 'nothing' bcos u were spendin time sleeping, reading, eating..
There's a time for everything. And u, decides wat u wana do with ya time.
At least, u can still be in reasonable control on hw u intend to spend ya holidays...
i cant say so when u start working tou.
;)

xxx xxx

OH..
did i mention tt my cousins from Texas and Taiwan are coming to Singapore soooon!!!
wow.. 2 cousins fr Texas, 2 cousins fr Taiwan,
tt makes 2 sets of cousins fr 2 different countries!
hahaah...

Tts when bilingualism plays an important role u know.. hahah.. need to converse with the Texas cousins in English and switch to Mandarin when interacting with Taiwan cousins.

:D

love of a lifetime

2008-06-09T23:47:00.002+08:00

Love of a lifetime

How do you feel when your sibling is getting married?
How did you feel when your sibling got married?

And how would you feel when you were asked to host ya sister's wedding banquet? Yes, you.. the baby sister having the honour to host the event of her life.. her wedding day... the beginning of her happiness.. the beginning of her next phase of life.
The feeling is indescribable.
I'm so honoured to be the maid of honour (i think), the sister of the bride, the master of the ceremony and the wedding singer. I have so much responsibilities and roles to play!! *gasp*

And the thought of being able to literally sort of witness and go thru this important life ceremony with her.. just got me so excited. :)

The other day, my sis brought me to the potential hotels where the wedding banquet might be held. She wanted my opinion on how i feel about the different hotels and which one would be the best choice for her big day. When i stepped into the ballrooms, the hotel crews were busy putting up decoration and the band players were tuning their musical instruments to prepare for the big day for some couple. At that instant, I had a sudden impulse.. I had a sudden urge to be a wedding planner. Well, having said tt.. of cos.. its an impulse. Haha! But at least, i wana be a part of the big thing for my sister's wedding.. i wana help make her wedding day a truly memorable one.

What makes a perfect wedding?
What is your vision of a perfect wedding?
Isit a grand, elegant, extravagant one? A romantic and lush one?
Haha.. yeah tt wld be beautiful and lovely.. but not all can afford tt, isn't it? The rich ones can afford tt, of cos. I was thinking.. its so magical when ya parents or the older generations got married in simple and humble wedding banquets.. inviting some close frens and relatives and get drunk in the happy occasion. I guess the job of wedding planners back then, were much simpler, in a way.

And when you think of ya parents.. married and still love each other so much.. altou there are bound to be quarrels and incessive bickerings every now and then. I cant help but feel tt.. this is truly a beautiful warm-hearted phase of our lives. It jus warms my heart with such a magical touch. The simple and humble wedding banquets decades back then had brought abt such magical touch to the lives of two different individuals - how these young couples transformed, grown up and lived tgt all these years. (Well, of cos, when you see how ya parents quarrel lke kiddos.. you wondered if they rlly did grow up and what good marriage has done to them.. wohahahah)
But, all in all, life still harbours so much hope and love for the newly weds.. and its nice tt they look forward to growing up tgt.. learning about life tgt and going thru the trials n tribulations in life tgt. We all want to hve soul partners to share our happiness and woes, isnt it? Knowing tt someone wld be there for u, is alwys nice :)

Ok, i'm sounding lke i'm some romancing s'pore ambassador. woahahah!

Well, i jus wana say tt marriage.. wedding.. is only the beginning. Its not tt ''happily ever after'' ending. It wld be a tiring.. most of the time.. a chore to constantly trying to keep the marriage alive.. managing your marriage. But, in the process of doing so.. i hope my sis wld also seek immense strength fr the union itself to work things out in watever she faces in the next phase of her adult life.. it wld be a wonderful journey of self-discovery and growing up.. :) Most imptly, it wld be a blessed marriage if both the bride and groom work hard tgt to make the marriage work out. This alone.. wld be enuff.. at least.. for their part.. it takes two to work it out afterall.. and to be fair.

wow.. din expect this entry to be this long. anw.. my sis is nt getting married tml.. in case u tot its lke a wedding speech for my sis. ahhahaha..

*throw flower petals ard*

goodnite.

Time off.

2008-05-27T19:34:00.003+08:00

wont be blogging for a while.
Time off.

Wish all a happy holiday or happy job searching.

It comes in a package...

2008-05-23T22:09:00.003+08:00

It comes in a package...

just some blabbering on getting jobs...

Package A (majority falls into this catergory)
OK, so you go thru interviews and pray tt you can get a job.
Perhaps, you just go for interviews to impress whoever is/are interviewing you.
Or perhaps, you just want to go there to lie tactfully because they say this is part of interviewing skills. And at least it works for most cases. And you are getting better at it.

so what happens when you got that job that you thought you wanted, but realized some day tt this is not hw you want to lead your life till retirement?
You feel like a zombie just following the motion of so-called a decent and normal life?
You started wondering if this is what you are looking for in life?
"Is my life meaningful? Am I really happy in life?"
So, if you really feel that this is not what you want ultimately, you start to hunt for jobs again...
or pray that some other companies will come head-hunting for you.
If not, well, once again, you start browsing thru' websites and newspapers for job opportunities... send out your resume.. waiting for calls and interviews..
Oh.. interviews...
And the cycle goes on again.
But it gets more stressed up everytime you think of sending ya resume out again.
A brand new start, but it also entails a brand new mindset and attitude: you are a newbie, baby! Welcome to your new company :)
so.. learn.. re-learn.. re-adjust.. re-immense into a new office (and office politics of cos.. hw can we leave tt out..) and reassess your life again.. "is this what i really want then?"

You know the thing abt looking for jobs..
ppl expect you to hve an idea wat you plan to do aft you graduated esp. when you get into uni. And, of cos, this sounds v reasonable n fair. I've asked so many uni frens wat they intend to do aft graduation. And so many just replied, "frankly speaking.. i really dunno". Having said tt, most of them do have an idea what kinda jobs they hve absolutely no interest in or do have a few vague broad catergories on what their future work can fall under.
Whatever it is, they just want to find a job asap after grad altou they r not v sure wat they rlly want. Just get a job fast... get thru e interviews fast.
And HoORAY.. at least.. i hve found myself a job.

Their peers, on the other hand, start to feel flustered and decide to send out more and more applications for jobs to many many companies.
And there is a price to pay.. you need to .. well.. at least know which job you are applying for the different interviews you go for rite.. dun go there and say "oh.. rite.. i feel tt i'm the best candidate for the job of a HR manager bcos i find clerical job damn boring.. and its so not my forte.. you noe.. i'm a people person.. i love interaction and engaging in conversations." ( but you realized tt you hve mixed it up with another job application.. this one is supposed to be more paper work kind.. ahem.. ya.. nt.. tt HR manager position tt you tot you are applying for..)

!!!

xxxx

Package B

i) ppl who knows what kind of jobs they want to do aft grad, and the job's pay is pretty decent or rlly awesome. And they like their job.

ii) ppl who know what kind of jobs they want to do aft grad. but the job's pay is not alot and/ or the type of job you want is not v much recognised in our society. So, this means tt you need stronger support and stronger frame of mind to persue what you want to do for the next 30 yrs of your lives or so..
And if you rlly decide to do it.. be prepared to face lots of obstacles fr the society.
And if these obstacles tt you face make you realize hw much you want to get e job or continue working on it, then i congratulate you..
If u decide to pull out halfway, its also fine. i mean if these obstacles make you start to rlly qn yaself and felt tt this is nt wat i rlly want ultimately (no matter wat e reasons are), at least.. it sets you thinking abt ya life. and who are the others to judge u? we are all tryin to understand or make sense of wat we r persuing in life or wat is meaningful? And we are often engaging in switching career paths and all tt.. so nothing's wrong w u.

xxxx

No matter which package you belong to, essentially.. we just hve to make decisions in life. And the amt of decisions you make becomes overwhelming and its consequences becomes heavier when you enter the workforce. More importantly, you began to qn yaself with these qns more frequently than before.. "is this the job tt i rlly want? Is this life i'm leading, meaningful? Am i .. happy?"

To end off this entry, just want to say (to anyone who knows wat i've said so far.. and to myself..).. jus go and try it out.. u nv know until you try it out.. most of the time we dun know wat exactly we want in life and we start to understand ourselves better from the different experiences we gained at different parts of our lives. Thats the beauty of growing up, i guess. And graduation is just the beginning to it. Its the time to rlly go out and get a taste of wat life is lke w/o the sheltered school environment tt we hve grown so accustomed to. So much so tt.. sometimes we feel at a loss when we graduate.

its a beginning...
at least.. its a beginning

;)

The Cook wins!

2008-05-22T10:34:00.003+08:00

The Cook wins!

And there's a reason for that.
so be it. It's a competition.

But i'm glad that ultimately..
an inspirer emerged.
one who shines like an angel..
one who reminds us of the innocence, beauty and simplicity in life...
one who inspires us to believe, once again..

in this ever-changing, unfathomable world tt we all live in
and caught in.

:)

DA or DD?

2008-05-22T00:09:00.004+08:00

DA or DD?

I got to know him thru this song:

And man! I'm soooo glad tt he wrapped up his finals.. with this song!
It feels like.. his whole competition becomes so complete.. in a way :)

I hope he wins. Well, results will be out in 8 hrs time..

Oh btw, let me sidetrack abit...
do u know that when DA was 12 years old, one of his fav cartoon characters is DONALD DUCK?!
Another one is Daffy Duck!

And so.. a conclusive conclusion: duck lovers can sing :D

Err.. did i mention tt i was ONCE a science student?

Once upon a time....

let bygones be bygones...
let baygon be baygon!

WOHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA...
no la.. kidding.. but he definitely can sing.
But! The main point is.....

DONALD DUCK ROCKS!!!! :)

This cracks me up soooo badly!!!

2008-05-13T16:17:00.002+08:00

This cracks me up sooooooooo badly!!!!!

Presenting to you...

Mariah Carrey's "Ken Lee"....

Cant get enuff of this?

Here's another clip with clearer English subtitles...

WOAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!!
WOAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

~ I KEN LEEEE.....TULIBU DIBU DOUCHOO~

WOAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAH!!!!

*rolling on e floor*

Mixed Feelings...

2008-05-07T23:08:00.002+08:00

COUNTING DOWN....

to the day..

a day of mixed feelings...

Yeah! I will be free after 3pm tml!!!!

but..i'll be seeing THAT doctor at 6pm... well.. the consolation is.. at least i'm getting the results of my MRI. Let's see if we will get into a quarrel tml... woahahhah! Anw, my point is.. e results of MRI kinda matters more than the fact tt its the end of my exams..

health is more important..

i'm beginning to sound old, but wise :)

1st day of exam...

2008-04-28T22:08:00.003+08:00

1st day of exam...

Having papers for 3 consecutive days is rlly tiring...

And today is onli my 1st day... but no inspiration when I was doing the paper.. damn. And did i mention tt its the mod tt i kinda dreaded most. Well, i'm glad tt its over.. 2 more days to go b4 i self-proclaim "HALF TIME!!! *BLOW WHISTLE*

One down...

things will get better...

*need to find back my inspiration and the form*

I can do it! Relax dear... :)

I just need more rest tts all... I shd jus go and sleep soon. hahaha!

Oh ya!!! 2 more hrs to...... WEILIN'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!
(And the fond memories will jus come back to me every time i wish you 'happy birthday' :D Mugging in sch lib.. and tt hug we gave each other... and wat happens aft i left - which took me 1 yr to find out *touched*.. 2 yrs have passed and i wish you happiness and love in your life.)

Tou u may not see this entry, but its alright.. just feel lke jotting these feelings down in my little diary.. some heartfelt feelings.

And i shall end this entry in an anti-climax but absolutely rational manner.....

GO STUDY AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND HAVE A GOOD SLEEP!!!!!!!

无言以对。。。

2008-04-25T19:59:00.003+08:00

无言以对。

如果一直这样不说话，
会不会有一天，
真的没有话好说了？

面子和自尊，很难割舍。
可是，感觉一旦失去了，
就没有什么割不割舍可言了。

痛哭不舍
才是最真实的。

Graduating from school...

2008-04-11T22:54:00.007+08:00

Graduating from school...

First of all, i just want to say tt i'm rlly quite amused by myself... not because I'm left with barely 2 weeks to study for my exams (and i haven started) but rather... by the fact that my exams dates are arranged back to back. But its alright, I have just planned my study time-table and its so fascinating i'm telling u. For e.g. for a particular module, I initially planned to spend 2 days on it. HAHAH!!! Nah.. in e end.. i tot i'm being rlly nasty to the module.. so i.. er.. allocated 3 days! WOAHAHHAHAH!

This is one special sem for many of my frens. Most of my closer frens are graduating this sem. That means school days would be officially over for them in just a few wks' time. I'll sure miss them... they are definitely one of the reasons for my fond memories of the uni days... :)
I have been wondering all the while.. whats next after graduation? I mean.. yeah.. START WORKING.. get a job... hopefully one tt offers good pay and good job prospect. Better still, a job that you enjoy doing.... wats new, huh? At this moment, this job thingie or tots is kinda at the back of my mind.. well.. partly becos i'm nt graduating this sem. What's going thru my mind is sth else.

In our society, we always know what to expect in our schooling years.. pri sch, sec sch, jc/poly, uni blah blah. But, the schooling years belong to just a phase of our lives. What happens next is the real tricky qn. Diversity in Experiences, mentality, ideals, environment and life will start to surface when you start working or leave school. Many things will change. Ya frens.. ya mentality.. ya lived realities.. ya socialization and the list goes on and on. The bond between old frens and good frens that you've cultivated thru out the schooling years ( which takes up so many years) will somehow change... it wont be so simple like before. The choice of our career.. the things we persue in life... marriage... overseas study... remaining single... they all make an impact. We all have multiple roles to play when we grow older and priority is no longer so simple like.. making sure that you do well for your studies. Things get alot more complex. Suddenly, the frens whom you hve come to know for so many years become so different from you. In the past, you were in the same school or the social circle is quite similar because the instituitions or values that legitimate insitiutions propagate are so similar or appear less diverse. The diversity suddenly imposes its presence when we are all ready ( i presume) to embark on a new journey in our lives - ready to assert our independence and choose the kind of lives we want to lead as an adult. At times, these ambitious adults get so caught up with their own realities, life and problems... that the simple, sweet, innocent memories of the schooling days seemed to drift even further away from them.

Schooling is not only about education. Its about socialization.. living in groups... and most importantly, to me, its about learning to live. There are so many things to learn or experience in our schooling years.. learning to make sense of what is expected from you, learning to make friends, learning to cope with your emotions when your grades are high or low, learning to give in, learning that we all have priorities and sacrifices are bound to be made somehow, learning to make decisions and be responsible with the consequences, and learning to negotiate your own self identity & independence. (gosh.. this feels lke a term paper.. hahaa) And schooling equips you with some basic skills to prepare you for the larger world out there.. when you get out to work etc..

Whatever it is, we are all learning to live and life is about learning... we learn different things at different phases of our lives. Some things that we cant fathom or make sense of... we tend to understand them better at a later part of our lives... we need to .. keep living and enjoy the process of self-discovery.

May graduation be the route towards better self-understanding and self-realization for my fellow frens! No matter what, you will alwys hold a special place in my heart :)

Love,
SX

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

If its too long and you dun understand wat i'm tokin about, its alright.
Read if you want to.
My tots are kinda not as well structured or organised here...
i'm rlly tired rite now. but my tots are always wandering ard in my head.
Now.. after blogging about these undisciplined tots,
my priorities shd be back to studying...
:)

EXAMS!!! WO LAI LE!!!

*charging my power*

whats the point, really...

2008-04-09T01:23:00.003+08:00

Whats the point, really...

being tgt.. and ripping each other's heart lke tt.

but who to blame, really...

leave it alone...

leave me alone..

all will bound to be lonely...

somewhere, somewhat, somehow.

tt's life.

tts the point, really...

And I'm always in love with it...

2008-04-03T23:02:00.003+08:00

And I'm always in love with it...

A greedy bite off the pinkish mass

And...
Pink became her desire.
A discerning eye for colour.

the hard-at-work candyman...
the flamboyous pulp, his pride.

Some penny for his tots...

2 different pictures ...
2 different stories...
It started off with cotton candy
And i'm always in love with it.

AHHHH...
SWEEEETTTTT... ;)

True 'Blue' Happiness...

2008-03-28T21:06:00.005+08:00

True 'Blue' Happiness...

blue swirls of 'cloud'...
sweet indulgence...
pricked a teeny bit from the puff of blue mass...
now, it looks even more like a cloud ;)

hid it in my mouth...
"ahhh.... the taste of happiness"
melting away on my tongue...
when red meets blue..
it turns dark blue ;)

the fluffy puffy pompous kinda happiness.
at least.. it lasted for a while.

At least, I had a share of happiness.

and da best proof?
is my dark blue tongue ;)

Sometimes, you can't hide ya happiness...
Sometimes, you wish that someone can share your happiness too...
Sometimes...

you wish to see someone with a dark blue tongue :)

---P.S: "Where are you, blue-tongue monster? Stop hiding..."---

失去控制

2008-03-24T23:45:00.005+08:00

-失去控制-

睡着后，身体仿佛失去了知觉。
是灵魂神游了一番，还是已迷失了方向？
天终于亮了。
有时候，得耗去好大的力气才能醒过来。
能醒来，突然觉得好庆幸。
每一个眼皮的搅动，
都得来不易。

醒了又怎么样？
瘫在床上好几秒钟。
试着不让自己再次陷入昏迷中。
窘迫的姿态使精神一度澎湃。
阳光的照射，让仅存的微薄力气从躯体蒸发了。

再一次陷入困境。

醒来的感觉...
就像即将要入睡时的那种奇妙感觉。
就是没有感觉的感觉。

都一样的... ... 让人失去控制。

guiding light from nature...

2008-03-17T23:04:00.002+08:00

Guiding light from nature...

Who says that nature doesn't coexist with industrialisation?
Crimson brown shedding light on its cold, boring counterpart.
Illuminating the once dull, lifeless pale-looking giants.
Even in its reflection, hovering over the minute vulnerable whitish silouhette.
Yet, careful not to devour it, showing utmost respect.

Alas! The unity of strength and fraility...
The beginning of peace and harmony.

xxx Breath-taking Picture was captured in Vancouver, courtesy of eileen xxx

Giant Duck!

2008-03-14T23:21:00.002+08:00

GIANT Duck alert!

I did mention tt i'll update u guys abt the growth of my 'duck grower'. So.. here it is!!!!

Pls.. be mentally prepared..

this is no joke...

not for the weak-hearted....

I got a shock the next morning aft i've 'planted' the duck in the basin of water...

So.. just a recap of how the original baby duck looked like...

A baby's favourite rubber ducky toy! :D small, cute and easy to handle...

The next day.....

sth definitely happened....

Baby duck has 'morphed' into a big big duck...

I cldnt believe my eyes.. so I took it out and placed it on a styrofoam dish..
ok.. yes.. e duck is er placed on the gas burner.. i rlly hve no intention to cook it ok!!!!
hahaha..

Even my softoy duck came to take a look at the giant duck.. It says, "amusing!!!!!"

And so .. the giant duck continues to grow.. and Grow and GROW!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! *scared stiff*
wohahaa.. this is so amusing rite?! kinda scary.. hahah..
Anws.. dun think it will grow any more.. shd be e max size (I hope). Accordin to the instruction sheet, it will shrink back to the original size if we take it out of the water and give it some sunlight..

;)

The thing with charming, poised, mature ladies

2008-03-08T14:03:00.005+08:00

The thing with charming, poised, mature ladies..

Ok, i know in my previous entry.. i've mentioned tt i'll do my research and readings.. but but... but.. well today is 8/3/2008!

Happy Women's Day!!
wohahaha...

This song has been stuck in my head recently. I heard it from Jenny Tseng's concert dvd last week. She was singing this song with her daughter :) so sweet. Too bad, I couldn't find tt version. anw, found another version by Teresa Teng.

oh, did i mention tt i rlly like women who age with charm and confidence? Nvm the wrinkles.. the no longer slender silhouette u once had or aspire to have.. its abt the grace, the confidence and charm tt onli comes with age. And not all women can age with such grace. It takes time and precious life experience and of cos.. inner beauty.

I rlly prefer watching them act or sing than other younger ladies..
I dunno why.. but i hve a thing for mature.. confident and charming ladies..
poised and intelligent..
and tt kinda strength tt radiates from within..
hmm... nice~ ;)

Dedicating to all women .. ok.. maybe not all.. but women who are aging with grace.. or aspire to age with grace..
for those few who love their wrinkles..
and of cos .. anybody who likes jenny tseng, joan chen, tian2 niu1...
they rock and you rock lke meepok!
wohaahahah... ;p

playtime.half-time

2008-03-08T13:02:00.004+08:00

playtime. half-time

2 lovely roses for the lovely gals..
(no rose for sexy suzie tou.. hahahah)
It was nice evening spent.. chionging out of sch.. watching movie.. nice dinner and great shopping. woahahha..
All in an evening's job. Hurray!

Bought a duck durin my shopping spree yesterday.. and guess wat.. its nt an ordinary duck ok! Its called 'duck grower' - it can grow up to 4 times its original size!!! and i saw e demo in e shop.. no kidding man.. will show u all e results soon. Its a giant duck!!!! Q.U.A.C.K !!!

YES!!! I bought 长江七号 softoy！*gasp* 七仔！！！！！so cute!!!!
~smile 七仔!~
七仔 landed on my bed! lets take a photo tgt :D hahah
Lastly, I shall end my little entry with a nice photo..
I simply love this photo.. i look so pro!!! And i love amy's camera of cos.. woahahhah!

Right..Time to get back to work..

.empty phase.

2008-03-06T22:12:00.003+08:00

.empty phase.

Today I went for my hip bone medical checkup and it was an outrageously 'amusing' experience with a doctor. Shall not comment too much.. but yup.. i'm not exactly pleased with the encounter.

~Sometimes when you are so high up there, you forgot how to listen to others and be humble~

If not for my hip bone, I wouldnt have tolerated you. Perhaps I would, bcos i din expect such behaviour coming from a doctor. Its amazing the kind of ppl you meet out there.. sometimes you rlly wonder why they turn out to be like tt. But its alright, we lead our own lives ultimately..as long as u are happy and it doesnt hurt me.. then why not? I dun heck care. My priority is to get my hip bone healed.

xxxx

Havent been in the best of mood these few days.. and i dun know why. There's nothing in particular bothering me actually. I'm constantly in the ''going-to-fall-asleep-mode" anytime or haven been doing much work yet damn tired mood. Yea.. i call tt a mood. haha.. hope my mood swing will be over soon.

I alwys felt tt ppl do live in phases.. we experience diff phases at diff parts of our lives. But there are alwys some basic phases tt keeps recurring to us indefinitely at some moments..consciously or unconsciously. Can be both a good thing and a bad thing.. isnt it? :p

The basic phases remind us tt we are humans afterall..

and an empty phase is still.. a phase you know?

xxxx

The busy city life..
the vibrant lightings at night...
with skyscrapers hovering over the small and insignificant individuals.
fragments of lonesomeness illuminated by darkness beyond the lightings.
You are not alone..
cos we are all alone.. together.

xxxx

Recently, I've found a picture tt makes me feel so soothing.. cant rlly explain the feelings exactly.. but well.. jus wana put it on my blog.

[photo taken by chih :) ]

the colour of the sky.. the colour of finland :)

And i suddenly miss being hugged by 'sunshine' ;)

picking up the momentum...

2008-03-01T15:52:00.003+08:00

Picking up the momentum...

I hven't been blogging for quite some time huh? haha..
Yeah.. when we lose momentum in doing sth.. lke writing, we need to find the momentum back at some pt of time.
Then we continue doing it, as if nothing has happened in between when you lost the momentum.
It can be so subtle tt you dun even know tt sth has happened along the way.
Perhaps, nothing rlly happened afterall.

xxxx

One week of term break has flew past.. well nt exactly.. 2 more days to be exact. Whatever.. ahha.. what hve i rlly done in e one week?! But come to think of it, its onli one short week.. hw exactly do u expect me to do lots of stuffs huh?!!! I've watched 2 movies, went out singing, hanging out w frens.. dj-ing.. doing some research (e thing w research.. it lingers in e grey region.. visible yet somewhat invisible kinda thing.. ahhah) and yea.. shopping. wohahaha! Nt bad man.. all in a week! hahaha!

I realised tt i've nv blogged abt CNY.

Some things are better left unsaid. No la.. dun get e wrong ideas.. it was a fun filled CNY and i had some great experiences w my relatives.. laughter and things tt set me thinkin abt life and other ppl's life.

Met up w a childhood fren last mth.. and I realised hw different we are.
As time passes, we grow up and lead different lifestyles.. been thru different things.. seen different things.. and feel things in a different way. I hve come to realise how different we hve grown up to be.. as individuals.. tou we did share a common childhood afterall. And its alright. As long as we are happy in our own lives.. as long as we were happy tgt when we were carefree kids. Tts wat matters, really. I can tok to anyone or pick up a friendly conversation if i want. But if i dun feel lke it.. if i dun feel lke tokin to u.. then tts it. As simple as tt. I'll jus smile politely when you tok. Nod when you need an affirmation. But definitely no chemistry or any heartwarming feeling. I dun wana be fake.
We are just different. And i'm glad tt we are. god bless him.

updates

2008-02-14T00:20:00.004+08:00

updates..

Hi all, its been a long week.. i'm so very busy with dj-ing. I hve a total of 4 shifts for this week! Haha.. yeah.. its the beginnin for a newbie dj.. thus its goin to be intensive trainings for this period of time.

Hw does it feel like being a dj?

Its practically being thrown into a battlefield.. whereby u hve to be extremely fast in handling the equipment - putting CDs and MDs into the respective players... adjusting the volume.. fading music in and out for different music coming fr different sources all tgt. Tts jus the basic. ahha.. so fun!

I need to familiarise w setting the equipment.. controling 6 equipments simultaneouly while u speak to the listeners.. sieving out news from the internet and deliver it to the listeners (yea.. no time to skim thru all the news .. but u r expected to give a summary of the news n collate them in certain order)... dealing w sudden catastrophe lke computer hang or system hang while u r delivering ya news?! hahah..

Its so funny.. admist all these stuffs.. i alwys get to see the schedule for my 3 or 5 hrs prog lke 2 mins b4 my show starts. HAHA!! tryin to be funny rite? Since i'm hosting for the first time.. the progs are v new to me and i've got no idea wat they r all abt. My colleague will feed me w more info when tt specific prog is abt to start. So, ya.. i'm constantly in for a surprise :) And tts alright.. its abt hw u deal w them tt is fun. ahah..

But its rlly a great experience. So far, i've hosted for 2 shifts. It has been so exciting and impromptu. I hve learnt to expect anything and everything from myself! wohahaa..

My favourite component is the call in part - listeners will call in to comment on anything.. chat w u or answer ya qns tt u've asked on air. Its practically a v warm n nice feeling when u tok to nice listeners. You get well wishes n encouragements fr them. Anws, i lke to tok n chat w ppl.. so its rlly quite relaxing when its time to receive calls from listeners. Some listeners call you even when u din ask them to call.. they jus want to chat w u. ahahha...

today i've got a call fr an auntie.. she asked me to hurry up tell her the answer to a little quiz tt i've asked earlier on. She claimed tt initially she wanted to go out but she needs to know the answer to the quiz b4 she can go out!!! woahhahahahahhaa

so.... i told her the answer.

Then...... i asked ANOTHER quiz!

woahahahahhahaahahhahah

Now, u cant go out anymore :D :D *hiak hiak hiak*

Another uncle called in and said, "hello hello... sixian jie?"

????????

????????

hahahahahah! er.. uncle.. i can be ya daughter leh! (of cos i din say tt)

ahha.. i've checked w my colleagues n apparently.. he calls all djs 'jie' or 'da-ge'. Yup, he is one polite uncle. hahaha.. but its rlly funny.. i laughed out on air e moment he says 'sixian jie'!

Right.. tts all for now.. need to sleep . in need of rest desparately. Duck needs to sleep now..

tml is Vday.. oh.. its 1.15am now.. so.. its v day alreadyy!!!!

HAPPY V DAY CUM FRIENDSHIP DAY TO ALL !!!!

*blow kisses*

~Hey Mr DJ, put the records on~

2008-02-02T01:34:00.000+08:00

~Hey Mr DJ, put the records on~

Yo Yo!! Whats up, dude?!

Hahah.. duck has got an announcement to make: Duck is goin to take on a new role after the CNY.. i'm goin to be a part-time DJ :)

Haha.. sounds fun.. getting to play songs for my listeners.. being enclosed in an air-tight studio and starting to imagine tt you r speaking to thousands of listerners whom you dun even know.

Anw, I'm going to be a part-time DJ for an online radio station whereby one need to subscribe and pay a monthly fee before he/she can tune into the station. Went for the audition on monday and was recruited there n then. The audition required me to do news reporting and a segment of my own show or whatever I want to talk about on air. I was given a few minutes to prepare and then there i was .. talking into the mike and my voice recorded by the system.

I'll start work after the CNY week.
I'm looking forward to the new experience... i'm sure there are so many things for me to learn and pick up in this new field.
FUN FUN FUN :D

Anw.. i'm so tired now.. i shall keep my entry short...

goodnite all..

sweet dreams...

*put blankets for all* (dun u dare kick it away!!!!!!)

hahaha.......

more than frens...

2008-01-29T01:28:00.000+08:00

more than frens..

sixian says:
pai seh.. m i being too serious here
sixian says:
ahahah
ROARS!!!! says:
no la
ROARS!!!! says:
cmon
ROARS!!!! says:
we're defintely more than friends who can only talk cok together
ROARS!!!! says:
:)

*The words are simple and subtle. So much so tt you know they feel heavy in your heart. And you are most willing to keep them deep in your heart. somewhere.. a safe corner.*

the thing about.. spring cleaning.

2008-01-25T22:07:00.000+08:00

The thing about... Spring Cleaning!

Chinese New Year is coming soooon!!

I've spent one afternoon (onli.. hahah) to help out with spring cleaning. Well, actually.. i din rlly help out much.. i mean all i did was.. clean up my little room. Haha! Mum was kinda grateful tt i did take the initiative to spring clean my room.

How do you do spring cleaning? I bet most of u belong to any one of the 2 categories..
a) "I dun do spring cleaning.. i dun believe in spring cleaning.. cleaning up the place once a year.. wont make much difference. Tts why.. i prefer not to clean at all. Furthermore, CNY will be over v soon.. nobody will discover the dust!"

b) "I anyhow clean my room. Just tidy up the books and files. Then hide those unsightly stuffs (or mess tt u dun feel lke tidying up) into the STOREROOM!!! Everything exists for a purpose. Dun neglect your storeroom."

HAHAHA!

Anw.. i'm so proud to tell u tt i'm none of the above catergories for this year's CNY. (still dare to bold the words! heheh)

I've gone beyond my comfort zone and ventured into the d..a..r..k..e..s..t corner of the dusty cupboards!! My goodness.. the cloth and pail of water tt i've used to wipe the cupboards were beyond recognisation. They turned greyish..

Woahaha..

You know.. you get to retrieve so many lost and found items when you venture into those dark corners of the cupboards. Photographs... snow white figurine.. hankerchief.. toys..
Its practically bits and pieces of my childhood memories hiding in that little corner of my room.. waiting for me to look for them. Peek-a-boo!

Its nice to do spring cleaning afterall. A proper one tt is (which means its neither category a nor b as mentioned above). Memories will start coming back to you. Although some memories are clearly more distinct while others are faint, the feeling of nostalgia will still be lingering. You call that... ... sweeeet nostalgia! :)

Its alwys nice to help ya mum with spring cleaning. In fact, anything tt she wants to do. Make an effort to help out as far as possible. Its our duty.Cleaning the whole house is not an easy task at all. Especially if you have to do it alone.
When you have grown up, you suddenly realised tt... mummy... is no longer young. You suddenly realised tt mummy can have body aches and get tired too. The sudden urge to protect her from aches and discomfort, the sudden urge to share the aches and tireness with her and the tremendous urge to hug her and tell her hw much you hve come to appreciate the amount of love she has showered her babies with all these years.

Sometimes, its no use just blabbering to her tt you love her.
Actions speak louder than words.
When you start doing sth in return, tts when your words come alive.

No one can guarantee tt he can build a perfect home, safe from the howling storms.
There's no such thing as a perfect home.
You can only seek perfection thru imperfection.
You cant seek perfection if you've nv experienced imperfections.
All parents try their bests to give their children the best they can offer.
Its not their fault tt sometimes things din turn out the way they thought it could have been.
Miscalculations can happen any time.
But its alright.
We are all learning how to love each other.
Wait till you become a parent yourself :)

A toast to all parents and future parents.. :D
haha...

and of cos.. 22 TOASTS TO MY DEAREST SH!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR.. :)

Reunion after 14 years...

2008-01-13T22:06:00.000+08:00

Reunion after 14 years....

I've been staying in my current home sweet home for 14 years. Before my family moved to this current house, I was only about 7 years old. I was born in the previous home and had spent my memorable childhood there. Neighbour ties was strong back then although i wasn't in the kampung era. I had so much fun playing with my childhood playmates.. especially the little botak boy who was 3 yrs younger than me. My sister and I were usually 'babysitted' by the auntie upstairs when mum n dad were not at home. Auntie n uncle are such nice warm ppl.. who doted on us :D i mean.. its difficult not to rite.. we are such lovely gals. ahhaha! Anw, auntie has 4 sons..who were our childhood playmates! wohahaha... Sometimes, the 4 boys could also be found in our house.. and the kids created havoc! wohahahah..

Cos of age gap.. i wasnt fully aware of wat my sis and the other 3 gor gors were playing back then. Hence, I was naturally alienated from their play activities cos i'm tis little xiao mei mei. Instead of hanging out or playin with the gor gors n jie jie, i ended up having a v close childhood playmate.. this little botak didi.. who follows me wherever I go. Cute little innocent boy boy.. ahha.. ( i think he was also naturally alienated fr his brothers' play activities).

Anw, those were really fond memories I have for my old neighbours. Unfortunately, when we moved to a new house, we lost contact. But fate brought us back once again..

I haven seen my neighbours for 14 years.
And I dun know hw they found our contacts..
but tts nt e pt..
e pt is....
we were invited to the 1 month old celebration of the eldest son's baby!!!

BABYYYY!!!! Officially 1 mth old!

This is baby's uncle... THE BOTAK DIDI.. MY CHILDHOOD PLAYMATE!!! ahha.. man.. he has grown up!!!! Ok.. i mean 14 yrs later.. of cos he has grown up. It's jus tt.. u know.. ya memory of him has alwys stopped at the 3 yr old little botak boy.. w the singlet..running around with me.. playing watever i 'm playing. haha.. and now.. look at him.. so big le! But his face and e way he smiles.. they remain e same :)

My old neighbours rock!!! Treasure the nice neighbours ard.. neighbourly ties can be so warm. Those tt are selfish and bad neighbours.. kick them away. er.. i mean.. try to forgive them. WOAHHAAHAHA..

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T00:58:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year!

Yes.. we've come to the end of 2007.. Are you ready for 2008?
Wats ya new yr resolution?

Mine?

haha.. i guess in general its quite similar every yr.. all i ask for.. is happiness and good health to all my loved ones (and myself). Its rlly all tt matters.

It was so funny.. i was bathing at 11 sth and I came out of the bathroom at the stroke of 12! I din deliberately countdown till exactly 12am to come out ok! I came out of the bathroom n immediately.. it was "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" woahhaha.. so erm.. basically.. i've been bathing for a year! Or rather.. waddling ard for 1 year! Wohahahahhh!

I received a belated X'mas card from my mailbox just now.. the last day of 2007.

Thanx alot to santa wl. It was rlly nice to literally feel a x'mas card.. which is soooo absolutely adorable w e duck. Thanx for buying the whole set of x'mas cards bcos of me!A card filled w the blessings fr someone who cares for you. The sweet moment that lingers on even after you've finished reading the card. Though the card was late.. but i'm rlly touched. Santa was late but i suddenly started to believe in santa once again.. bcos of you.

I wish tt ya mummy will be so much better aft the treatment.. I wish tt she will be blessed w good health.
Pls allow me to be a lil' greedier.. cos i oso wish tt u will be blessed w good health. Dun forget to take care of yaself!

~Love is greedy.. cos you truly wish tt ALL ya loved ones will be blessed and happy~
:)

Dong zhi day..

2007-12-23T20:44:00.000+08:00

Part I: Dedicate X'mas songs to all of you :D

our Raw product:
YEAHHHHH!!! Apart from the normal circular balls, we have decided to make (yea.. literally 'make' ) some new frens to join the balls! Introducing 4 little pigs, 3 blind mice and 2 DUCKS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

close up on my ducks!

And finally.. the cooked product:

Front view of one gorgeous duck. (the other duck waddling in the pool / maybe sleeping la..)
Side profile of the same gorgeous duck...
鸳鸯戏水！

wohahahahah.. rite tts all folks! I had so much fun on dongzhi day.. the 2 yuan yang ducks hope tt u guys enjoyed yours too! :D

When's my turn?

2007-12-22T00:01:00.000+08:00

When's my turn?

Sometimes, I really wish tt i'm the delinquent.

At least, you will learn to appreciate me better.

It's unfair isnt it?

When will it be my turn to be selfish?

2007-12-18T01:42:00.001+08:00

X'mas is coming!!!

X'mas is coming soon! :D

I alwys love this festival, although my religion doesnt have the tradition of celebrating X'mas. To me, its a festival of love and warmth nicely enveloped together, a gift for all of us. I wonder if the animal species also have their own version of X'mas. Imagine the tigers exchanging gifts with deers and then enjoying nice honey turkey meal together? omg!! ok.. the turkey still dun rlly get to celeb x'mas afterall. Poor thing. wohahaa.. ok i'm living in my own world. ahah..

I got my first x'mas gift, when I was about 3 yrs old, from my Big Aunt. She was so sweet.. she bought 2 little dolls to my sister and me for X'mas. When we opened up the letterbox and saw 2 nicely wrapped x'mas presents before us, we tot Santa was here. HAHA... nah.. i dun even know who is santa. When we saw the names written on the wrapped gifts, we werent even sure wats this all about. Dad explained to us about X'mas day and X'mas gifts as a token of love and appreciation for our loved ones.

And My sis and I were overjoyed! (altou i dint like dolls very much esp when i was young! haha)

I mean its rlly different from receiving gifts during birthdays.
Receiving gifts is no longer about birthdays anymore.
Its about love, about being cared for and remembered.

Yea.. wat a huge impact a little x'mas gift has on a little gal huh?
I mean it has been abt 18 yrs, and i still rmbed vividly tt kind of joy and excitement when i first received a X'mas gift from a loved one.

But as u grow up, as much as you hope to receive a nice gift from ya loved ones, you realised tt there are truly more important things tt you wish for in the season of love.

Last Christmas, I almost had to spend my Christmas in the hospital. I was so grateful tt i could be discharged just one or two days before Christmas. In fact, my family and I were so determined to get out of the hospital.. to be home sweet home altou we were advised to stay at the hospital for further observation. ha.. dun get me wrong.. its not tt we wanted so bad to celeb christmas at home. But rather, we dun see why i shd continue stayin in the hospital merely to eat painkillers and lie on the bed all day long (while the docs cant rlly do anything to me).. they just love to observe me u see. haah...

And my buddies came to my hse to celebrate X'mas w me, the wheelchair bound gal. Although, I cldnt even sit up for long to celeb and make noise on tt day, it was rlly a sweet and memorable X'mas for me. I'm a lucky gal, afterall :D

This year's X'mas is especially meaningful for me.
This year's Chinese new year is also especially meaningful for me.

I want to celebrate it w my legs.
:D

I love you and I miss you, my beloved legs! (Gosh.. wat a touching ending! WOAHHAHAHAHHA!!)

ok.. but seriously, I hope everybody gets to celeb these festivals with their loved ones. Even if you cant, let them know tt you care for them. Small gestures matter.
And I just wish tt all my frens and loved ones are blessed with good health and happiness. Tts the best gift we cld ever ask for, isnt it? :)

~When did you stop believing in Santa? When will you stop believing in Santa?~
~I stop believing in santa the moment i realised tt S'pore houses dont have chimneys..(WOAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA) i mean.. we cant blame santa for not coming afterall!~

Cher's 21st Birthday Party!

2007-12-10T00:34:00.000+08:00

Cher's 21st Birthday Party!

Attended Cherlyn dearie 21st B'day Party on 9/12.
So...Wat's the ThEmE of the party???

Yes.. it's.... UGLY IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!
We are supposed to be dressed in our most lok-kok costume / mismatch or anything unglam!!!
Wat a party i must say, Cher!

U've made it real special!!! haha..

The gals came early to help out w the decor.
Of cos.. we are in our not-yet-lok kok state!

A precious moment tt we all cherish.. before changing the real costume! hahaha...

OK.. pls be mentally prepared..

*Warning: Contents below mite be too shocking for those faint-hearted. pls kindly leave if u feel any discomfort*

muahahaaaa..

WOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

this is wat happens when the retro geek & lok-kok kid meet the lamb!
They instantly became good friends :D
gosh.. its all for the birthday gal ok! We love u CHER!!!
*btw.. we hid in the toilet for quite some time.. procrastinating.. haha.. dun dare to come out of the toilet. buahahha!!*

Duck has disguised herself as a lamb! Can u imagine?!! I cross-dressed.. er.. in an unconventional way i guess. ahahah..
Its a mismatch..

Next, Cher surprised us with some games and competition.

We nominated retro geek to take part in the 'chubbiest' competition.
What kinda competition is tt???

In simple words, its about who's got da "biggest mouth"!!
Contestants are supposed to squeeze as much marshmallows into their mouths as possible. And then.. the best part is.. they r supposed to 'vomit' them out (the marshmallows all turned out to be squashed with saliva and deformed)!! woahahah.. disgusting!!
The one with the most number of marshmallows 'vomited' out shall win.

And guess wat?

Retro geek did us PROUD!!!!

The geek with her CooLeSt pose :D

She really won!
Sweet victory! er.. i mean BIG victory :)

And then came the major competition of the party..

"The Ugliest Beautiful People competition!": the most unglam .. mismatch and lok-kok entertainers nominated by Cherlyn herself to clinch for the ugliest beautiful ppl award!
10 of us were nominated.
We are supposed to do a cat-walk and Q&A.

Cat-walk was for the qualified round. If ya Cat-walk is sexy enuff, you can qualify for the finals.. whereby each nominee is supposed to answer a qn randomly picked by himself or herself or itself. ahaha..

AND.. THANX TO CHERLYN. I WAS ONE OF THE 10 NOMINEES!!
(btw, there are alot of ppl who came for the party ok!)

A glimpse of the contestants...

Know wat's my Q&A qn?
my qn is: "What do you think of public farting?"

yes! tts my qn!!

!@@#$%^&

hahahahahah!

So i tot for a while and replied

"I think public farting is part and parcel of our lives. (said it w a matter-of-factly, serious tone.. gosh.. haha.. and i caught cher's mum w a serious expression nodding away ok! haha) But, usually I try to hide my farting sound with my bleating sound. (The audience started at me.. confused by my intellectual statement. So, i did a vague demo.. i bleated and make a somewhat sophisticated, definitely not too disgusting faint farting sound) (monologue: GOD! WHY M I HERE??!!) (haha.. and the audience laughed and cheered along. haha.. i guess they love to hear sheeps bleat while they fart :D) I mean tt works for me, as a sheep. I dun know about you guys.. (give a serious and thoughtful look) (the audience seem to lke my reply.. haha.. and their response was good.hahaha)"

yup.. tts my Q&A session.
*u know.. luckily i was disguised as a sheep! phew!!*

group photo w the TJ gals..
We had soo much fun tgt :D my ex 30/03 classmates :)
A sheep in the midst of humans :)
sheep: "Who says animals and humans cant live tgt in harmony???? huh? who ah ? who? tell me la?" ~mehhh~

human: "wah.. i feel like eating kambeng man!"

*sheep ran away*

A proper group photo w the Birthday Girl :D

Birthday Girl making a speech..

The cake!! notice tt there are some worms (gummy worms) and sand (peanut) on the cake!
*gasp!!*
But the cake is delicious, really :D
Our gift for B'day Girl!
ahahaa
OH ya.. did i mention tt retro geek n sheep din clinch the award for UGLIEST BEAUTIFUL PPL? ~Phew~ hahahahahahhahah
And i shall end off with a sweeeet tender moment.
A family photo :)

AWWWWWWWWWW......
Happy Belated Birthday my lovely gal... My sunshine to be exact :D

Look out.. here comes jazzy spiderman!

2007-11-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

Look out.. here comes jazzy spiderman!

I'm not a fan of spiderman.
But I'm a fan of Buble's Spiderman.

Chanced upon this clip and..
he took my breath away once again.

He made spiderman sounds so jazzy and sexy.

I wonder if he could make 'spiderpig' from Simpsons movie sounds so sexy as well..

~"LOOK OUT....... HERE COMES THE... SPIDER........... PIG!"~

wohahaha..

countdown to exams

2007-11-14T21:15:00.000+08:00

Countdown to exams...

Taking photos with painter Chewy at her little exhibition in the school library :D
I look like a foreigner.. a tourist getting rlly excited to take a photo with local art work. Ha!!
Anw.. this is my favourtie art piece from the lovely painter :D

Felicia Chin was spotted in NUS arts canteen.. filming a variety show i believe.

Went shopping and bought a sth i like :D

That pretty much sums up what i've been doing while counting down to the final exams.
wohahahahahahaah!!!

no la.. most of the time.. i'm studying. *innocent look*

the last statement has been found in ripley's believe it or not..

The field and the stadium

2007-11-06T22:02:00.000+08:00

The field and the stadium

I passed by the field and stadium once again...
with a heavy heart.
and a tinge of jealousy.
Those joggers and soccer players ought to treasure these moments.

I dun know whether I will be able to jog, jump and sprint around with my naked feet again.
I long to feel those green meadows under my shoes...
I long to feel the track.. its texture.. its rubbery scent.
I long to feel the breeze embracing me as I sprint wholeheartedly to the finishing point.
I long for my breath to be taken away once again.
I long to be.. wholehearted.

I want to run without giving a damn whether I will suffer a relapse.

But I cant.

And its not only about running, u know.

I dun even have the priviledge to be wilful
I dun even have the priviledge to behave like a mischevious child.

I know I should feel grateful tt I can at least walk (tou not for long distances).
And I really am.. becos i know how it feels to be wheelchair bound.
I know how agonizing it feels when you dun even rmb how to walk...
I rmbed how frightening it felt when you dun have any strength to take tt step, even tou u are dying to take tt one step.

Yes,I still rmb.

It's jus tt sometimes.. you feel sad and disappointed tt you can no longer do or enjoy the things tt you used to be able to do.

I just need to let out my fraustrations at times.
we all have to.

tts all.

but i'll be fine.
like how i've alwys been.
life goes on.

And, I wont be defeated.

Happy Belated 21st Birthday, Gemma Misha

2007-11-02T00:08:00.001+08:00

Happy Belated 21st Birthday, Gemma Misha aka Sammi ...

~chilling out @ Holland Village.. 30/11/2007~

It all started out with the core sociology module...

we absolutely love our complex, ideal sociology module. hahaha...

Wheee... sammi driving us off in her sexy suzie..
(dun geh geh hor.. i take photo then u drive with 2 hands on steering wheel! haha..)

Sammi playing with my curls...
2 gals playing a fool...

ahhahahaa... sammi turned into ronaldino. hahaha..

To be fair.. we took turns to do ugly pose..

So.. its my turn now!
*faint*

Then.. we began to add some 'colours' to our pictures...

Our second stop... hahaha..
cool rite!!!

Oh my!!! Vedi was here too!!!
Hieee vedi :D
(as usual.. vedi is very heaty!)
MUAHAHAHAHHAH...
chewy was here too.. its tt sticky-chewy chocolate look-alike!
haha..

we managed to get home just before 12am. Apparently, sammi needs to look for the street directory map to drop me (see.. above picture). Hahaha... and no.. tts nt sexy suzie! its e one beside this stylo car!

It was such a nice chill out.. we had so much fun. All in all, happy belated girl :D

In the mood for buble...

2007-11-01T23:24:00.000+08:00

In the mood for buble...

The best concert is the one you prefer to watch alone
and nv ever felt so deeply engaged and drawn towards the singer.
The concert which you thought you were his one and only audience.
The concert, which you thought you sang along with him all this while.

He is the first singer to make me feel that way.

(shant post tt song that made me feel tt way.. ha.. cos its kinda long n slow.)

Anw.. here's a more perky number of Michael Buble
"Save the last dance for me"
dedicated to u guys..

and as usual.. he is so charming.

Prawn mee poem

2007-10-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

Prawn mee poem.
(best read in the authentic hokkien version.. for best effect)

my mum was complainin to my dad tt i din eat the prawn mee she bought for me this afternoon.
cos i was rushing for lesson.. so no time to eat.

dad replied, " wa su ka jia hae mee." ( i lke to eat prawn mee)

then i think he notice nobody responded to him or paid attn to him.

v determined to be heard, he continued,

"wa su ka jia hae mee
( i lke to eat prawn mee)

wa hao seng wu jia hae mee
( just now i ate prawn mee)

wa za kee jia hae mee
( in e morning, i ate prawn mee)

wa arm meh ma jia hae mee
(in the evening, i ate prawn mee)

wa jin su ka jia hae mee leh.."
( i rlly love to eat prawn mee leh)

he said it a matter of factly..
he said it so innocently...

this time i responded w thunderous laughter...
"HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA"

I think father duck is tryin to be a poet.
nice rhyming hae mee poem.
simple..
and we got his point.

Mum replied, "ok lor.. u can have the prawn mee"

And tt makes my dad a happy man.

The clouds and the architecture

2007-10-26T20:52:00.000+08:00

The clouds and the architecture.

I walked out of the lecture theatre.
It was a beautiful day..
erm..there was no birds singing.. ( this is not a disney world or disney blog)
There was nice soothing breeze to ward off my fatigue
Sometimes, all you need is the mother nature to give you relief. ( and i dun mean tt u can relief yourself in the bush or sth lke tt ok)
ha.. ok. i'm turning this post into a funny one.

eh.. but i'm serious ok. let's start again..

I walked out of the Lecture theatre and stood right in front of the huge architecture.
And i stared at it.
some random tots flooded my mind:

Weber is right about disenchantment...
the world is too cold and rational..
lacks of warmth..
lacks of humanity...
everybody is too busy living in their own world.. too busy for other ppl.. too busy to understand wat's goin on in their lives.
small simple things are no longer enchanting to them like hw it used to be.
mother nature is taken for granted.

I looked beyond the modern architecture
and saw white fluffy clouds drifting past the architecture..
and funny enuff..
even the clouds are moving at such fast speed...

For a moment, I tot the clouds are the ones rushing for time.. rushing for i dunno-wat..
while the architecture stood right there. Not moving an inch.
Welcome to the complex world, buddy.
I stood there.. staring at the clouds.
Smiling to them and feeling the nice breeze.
Without the architecture, I might not get to appreciate the clouds and the breeze.

Before I left, I told myself, "I wont lose the ability to feel enchanted. Cos' It's one of the most beautiful thing in life :) "

a little breather :D

2007-10-18T22:07:00.000+08:00

a little breather :D

Finally, the NUS Chinese Production is over :D The casts and coach have spent so much time and effort working on this mini production. I'm glad all enjoyed ourselves. Although i was too tired and drained, I still enjoyed myself. The cast is a lovely group of people. Everyone has his / her fun-loving side.

Oh yes! my 9th Singapore Tertiary Chinese Literature Awards (STCLA) winning entry is published! All the winning entries are published in a book. There are comments by the judges attached to every winning entry.

What did the judge commented on my entry?

“　《木板舞台》是成熟的作品。作者写７月是个神秘热情，渗透几许冷艳凄凉的月份，对露天木板舞台上的表演者，也是个生命存在和表现自我的时刻。主角的一生在舞台上度过，作者写她的梦想、喜爱，舞台上的形象和心理，在时光流逝，在雨中，那种只有几个观众撑着伞伫立观看的寂寞，都令人赞叹。插叙的手法也掌握得恰到好处，人物的出场和退下，木板舞台成了人生的平台。”

哈，我把我喜欢的词给ｂｏｌｄ出来了！Muahha...

其实作品中还有很多细腻和有意思的情节，可惜评审没有注意到。
那些很认真读这篇作品的读者，可能会了解到其中的用心和心思。
这就是给予读者们最大的回馈。

be rational.. no timeout.

2007-10-14T00:54:00.000+08:00

I really need a good rest.
A breather.
I need the beach.. the sand.. the sound of waves splashing.
Stop and breathe.
Let the sun take a good look at me. It's been quite a while, isnt it?
I see the sun everyday..
But, I cant stay on long enough to warm myself.
Just a frivolous 'hi' and 'bye'.

But, I'll be back. I promise :)

I'm mentally drained. But wont faint. cant afford to.. too many things on hand.
Talking about rational.
I'm so rational.

Baby Duck

2007-09-18T20:55:00.000+08:00

Baby Duck...
Duck was browsing thru her old photo albums...

and she found her baby photos!!!

She decides to post 2 of them on her blog... :D

In e meantime, duck ponders, "wonder wat happened in the first pic... hw cum i can laugh until lke tt?!!!! woahahahah..."

The thing abt .. PSP

2007-08-31T23:02:00.000+08:00

The thing abt.. PSP

oh.. my psp baby is so chio...

come to mama... :P
hehe..

2007-08-25T23:50:00.000+08:00

5th SHHK Literary Awards Presentation Ceremony 2007
(9th Singapore Tertiary Chinese Literature Award)

All the winners taking photos together....
man.. wat a crowd.. cos there are pri , sec n tertiary winners in the pic!
Can u spot me?
muahahahaha....

This pic is much better.. cos there are only tertiary grp award winners posing :)
Can u spot me now?
*hint: I'm e only one doing sth different fr e rest. muahahhah.. i purposely did tt.. so tt u can identify me easily* woahhahaah...

This wld be e best group photo! Cos my sis used the zoom in function..
So did u get the rite answer? Yup!! I'm at the left hand corner.. e ONLI ONE holding up her cert happily!!! muahahhahahahhahha.. my sis cant stand my silly smile in e photo..

I was surrounded by china ppl in e prize giving ceremony..
its lke 95 percents of e award winners r from china. I'm not kidding.
Man.. i'm so proud of myself.
haha..

Oh ya.. my sis din manage to take a photo of me receiving the prize from the minister. Ya.. great huh?! ahahah.. but its ok.. i had some grp n solo (below) photos taken. Sis told me tt she was standing near e stage attempting to take a photo of me receiving the prize from the minister, then suddenly, one guy ran up from nowhere.. and took a photo of me instead. Weird.. who is he?

I wana ask him to help me develop tt photo for me...
hahaaha

Happy duck w her cert n $300 cash prize...
I'm waiting for e book to publish... so tt i can buy a copy n keep it as a souvenior.

Me again!!!! :D

2007-08-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

Enjoying uni life...

It has onli been 2 weeks since e start of my 3rd yr in NUS. It has been rather carefree and fun.. ahah.. partly bcos tutorials haven started.. it wld be more stressful when projs n tests start to pile up. But still, I'm goin to enjoy both the carefree n more stressful days in uni.

Its simply fun.

Anway, was tryin to recall ppl whom i've met thru out e 2 weeks in sch.. some weaklings.. some irritants but mostly fantastic good old frens.

One day, i went for a lecture alone cos i'm not taking tt mod w other frens. This sec sch fren was in e same lecture theatre as well... sitting w her frens. She saw me comin into e theatre and asked me, "hey sixian.. u taking this mod alone ah?" (accompanied w a shocked face). I replied expressionlessly, "ya.. why?" and tt joker replied, "wahh.. u v brave leh.. i dun dare to take mods alone one." (look upon me lke i'm a brave warrior)

I showed a v ridiculed, even more shocked than her look, filled with sympathy look.

wat a disgrace to the women population.
Sigh, weakling...

Then, i settled down away fr the weakling.. with my cup of hot milo.. sipping contentedly.. celebrating my own independence.

-------------------------
This evening, I was walking towards the bus stop at forum. Suddenly, i heard a voice , "hey!" I turned back and took a few secs b4 i recognise a somewhat familiar face. "oh .. hi" (give a polite smile). I dun lke tt guy. In fact, i dun rlly know him. Thru one or two conversations, i was completely irked by his demeanour and childishness. I've analysed tt he is a big snob, no EQ, chauvinistic and an egoistic guy... and his classmates dun even wana tok to him in his jc years. Poor fing..

I turned away and tried to hurry on...

"hey, so wat are u studying in nus?" he stopped me.

"fass"

"oh! ME TOO!"

"what are u studying?"

"sociology"

"oh! I'm taking sociology too!" he exclaimed proudly.

(phew.. i'm in my 3rd yr.. u r onli yr 1.. wont rlly hve a chance to take e same mod. thank god)

He seemed v contented w himself. Cos.. he managed to strike up a somewat decent conversation.. hopping tt i will rattle on and on and chat w him.

Just when he was about to ask me sth.. (he opened his mouth n i think rattled off some words), I said my final piece, "erm.. i'm rushing. Bye."

I turned ard and din even wait for him to say bye.

He did la.. i cld hear it fr my back.

--------------------------------------------------
You know.. tts e gd thing abt uni life. U can rlly choose to ignore some ppl totally.. weaklings .. irritants. If u got them for ya projs, its ok.. just try to make e best out of e situation. Its jus a few weeks we are tokin abt over here. And treat it as u r doing a good deed. You can enjoy yaself by watching how they behave in the most childish and insensible manner.

In ya working life, u hve to work w all kinds of ppl... whether u lke it or not. Most of e time, u dun rlly hve e choice to choose who u wana work w. U cant ignore some ppl.. esp if ya work or ya job scope has direct relations w them. Working is more of a long term thing.. It wld be a diff experience fr uni life.

Uni life rocks. ha :D Life is good.

For e past 2 weeks, It was nice meeting up w frens for lunch.. goin for lec tgt.. and spending time jus slacking ard..watching e world goes by.

today.. i had such a fun day. I accompanied her to eat lunch. Then we went to e forum.. sat down on e stairs and ppl-watch. Its nice watching ppl walk pass.. we saw so many funny things.. couple w e same tops and even bags (quite feminine one ok..).. diff fashion styles.. sonic.. sexy man etc. I laughed so hard today..

But most importantly, it was a nice feeling...
sitting tgt.. watching the world goes by...
in a nice n relaxing mood.
The world out there is one hectic one man.. ppl running ard.. rushing to lecs.. and wat hve u?
No need to hve endless conversations to keep us occupied.
Bcos.. hving each other's company is simply a joy.
We have our own trains of tots momentarily.
Yet, those quiet moments aren't intrusive or awkward.
It makes us feel even closer to each other.
The laughings.. gigglings... the telepathy... the same feelings.. the jokes.. the quiet moments..
all so spontaneous and relaxing.

----------------------------------------------------------

I've dedicated some time to myself too.

quality good time for e good old me..

:D

农历七月初一

2007-08-12T20:54:00.000+08:00

农历七月初一

现在是9.03分，再多三个钟头就是农历七月初一。

这一刻，是属于自己的。是一种很微妙的感觉。
没有特别的开心，也没有特别担心。
华人的农历七月，就是这么一个微妙的月份。

如果要严格地说，这是一个nostalgic month.
翻了翻字典，发现‘nostalgia’也可以被译为‘怀旧之情’。
单单‘怀旧之情’不能很完整地诠释此刻这种微妙的感觉。
应该再加上更深一层的感触：一点怀念还有一种在空气中弥漫着的美丽的伤感。

没有苦涩的滋味。因为，我很风光地挥别了那个舞台。
在对的时间离开，我的收获很多，很丰富。

今年，格外的兴奋。
我写了一篇关于七月歌台的故事。
作品在今年 - 第九届新加坡大专文学奖中获奖了。
很开心，不是因为有奖金和奖章。

开心、欣慰。

鞠躬尽瘁的表演者.
被遗忘的艺术文化. 被遗忘的观众群.

此刻是属于你们的。

谢谢评审的聆听。

she wanted to go home...

2007-08-06T22:06:00.000+08:00

She wanted to go home...

About a mth ago, a primary 4 gal passed away because of a heart attack. She had always been a healthy young kid, there weren't any probs with her heart.

She left suddenly.

Just like tt.

Leaving her beloved parents and 2 sisters ( Primary 1 and Primary 6) behind.

xxx xxx xxx

When her sister was still ard, her sister wld accompany her (pri. 1 sister).. bought food for her and the sisters would enjoyed their meals together during the break.

After her sister left her, she tried v hard to get used to having recesses w/o her sister.

Today, during her recess, she suddenly tot of calling her father.
There were no special reasons or so, she din call her father to help her get the homework tt she has forgotten to put into her bag this morning.

She just felt like calling him.
She just want to listen to his voice.

Usually her father wld answer her calls, but he didn't answer this time round.

She began to feel flustered.

She immediately called her mother, who also nv failed to answer her calls whenever she called.

She waited and waited...
Again, there was no reply from the other line.

This time round, her heart sank.
The feeling of fear and helplessness gripped her once again.
And she cldn't help but cried.

She tot of the last person she could call...

her grandmother.

And this time round, a familiar voice finally answered the desperate call.
Her grandmother answered.

She was told tt her parents are busy working or for some reasons, they cldn't answer her call at tt time.

Before she hung up, she told her grandmother tt... she wanted to go home.

When recess ended, she went back to her class. She is a monitress and she had the responsibility to bring her classmates back to class.

Before she stepped into the class, she saw her elder sister (Pri. 6) waiting for her outside her class. Immediately, hot tears filled her eyes and she hugged her sister very tightly...

Perhaps at tt moment, she has forgottened about goin home already.

She only wanted to know tt there is someone whom she loved and who loved her as dearly.. is alwys there to give her some sort of assurance.

She needs to know tt they are still around...

She needs to know tt she can still reach out for them whenever she needs to...

She needs to know tt ppl dun alwys jus disappear..

xxx xxx xxx

My sister and I heard from Dad about this poor little gal and the emotional ride she went thru as she tried to deal with the loss of her sister.

We were at a loss of words.

I turned to look at my sister, who was sitting beside me in the car.

Her eyes were a little moist.

I tot i saw myself.

I hugged my sister and planted her a kiss.

Donuts in the house

2007-08-01T23:21:00.000+08:00

Donuts in the house!!!

Freshly baked donuts posing at the counter... while incredibly long queues of human beings await patiently outside the tiny shop. yea.. u're rite! They are not any Tom/Dick/Haryy donuts ok.. they are donuts from the DONUT FACTORY!

MY ONE-DOZEN ASSORTED DONUTS!!!

YUM!!!

Irene's share of one-dozen :) (my gosh.. the spicy cheese donut is damn nice!! And i've forgottened to order them! Like so well done rite?! Roarrrrr...)

Hiangky's share of donuts! erm.. only half of them actually.. she also bought a dozen! muahhahah...

Queued 2 hrs for these sweet darlings.

ya.. crazy huh! ahhah..

Yeah.. i agree..it does sound crazy.

But its a kind of privilege.. to have the time to queue up for something u desire.. once in a while of cos.

Once you've started embarking on your working life, you wont hve the luxury of such .. really.

Cos' there is no space and time for such 'sinful' luxury.

( an imagined monologue of a full-time employee: "wah.. siao ah.. where got time to queue up for those donuts? my lunch time onli 1 hour ok.. take bus or train to makan already takes up 20 mins.. where got time?!! wat? sat n sun can queue? pls la.. we slog fr mon to fri.. saturdays n sundays are supposed to be spent wisely.. lke resting well b4 another hectic week comes along. U ask us to go queue in e wkends?! li wu siao boh?)

It feels good to be young.. to be a student.. to be able to slack every now and then.

xxx

As the customers inched their way to the counter, finally reaching their destination...

the excitement piles up within their bodies. The sense of accomplishment.. satisfaction...

Like kids, they beam with delight.. waiting to carry tt box of donuts home with pride.

until.. he/she has been told, "i'm sorry sir/madam, THERE'S NO MORE DOUGH ALREADY. Pls come again tml. "

MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.....

What's on ya mind, tuition teacher?

2007-07-27T01:00:00.000+08:00

What's on ya mind, tuition teacher?

After I've started teaching tuition, I was really amazed by myself with the kind of patience i have when i teach the kids. Sometimes, I can spend so much time teaching them how to do simple division.. how to go about doing problems sums when most of the time.. i rlly wondered where their little minds have drifted to all this while.
(And YES! pikachu must be one of them...)

Thinking back, I can't blame them for drifting away. I was like that when i was at their age too. I mean who likes to have tuition man! But nowadays, tuition has become more lke a kind of necessity.. cant help it.. its jus so damn competitive here. The minute you step out of erm... your mom's womb.. u've got to start competing. HAHAHA... wat a description! You cant lose out.. if you want to live here. Tts e reality you have to accept. ( as if babies hve the choice to accept or reject. haha)

When i've become a tuition teacher myself, I realised how much i truly missed my tuition teachers. I wondered what they were thinking when they were teaching a 9 yr old duck. Haha..
Did they feel lke strangling me? Did they love me to bits? Did their face turned green whenever they were reminded of this 9-yr-old kid tt they used to teach? ahhaa...

I missed Jennifer most.

She is a sporty and nature-loving lady. Alwys have a mountain bike wherever she goes. haha.. she alwys ride her bike to my hse when she gave tuition. That was when i became determined to learn how to cycle (on 2 wheels). She never loses her patience.. never so close to flaring up. She alwys came into the room with tt sunshine smile.. the smile that i alwys looked forward to every tuition lesson. She never failed to ask me hw was my day.

And seeing her name appearing on the screen n recalling how she was like... it suddenly makes me realise hw much i truly missed her.

I wonder how is she... is she married w a 9- yr- old kid? haha.. is she cycling ard somewhere?

I wonder if we have crossed paths along some streets even tou we din manage to recognise each other...

If I have a chance to see her on the street, I just want to let her know that she thought me how one can brighten up another person's day, just lke tt. =)

No matter what, I wish her well... and lots of happiness with all of my heart.

xxx

On my way back fr tuition sessions, I alwys wondered.. what are 9 yrs old kids thinking? Where have their minds wandered off to when teachers teach?

Its such a funny thing, really. I mean.. we have been thru tt stage.. we were once 9 yrs old. Yet, we forgot what we have gone thru... what we were thinking.. what were our concerns back then... what makes us really happy and excited...

its not abt getting good grades tt makes a 9- yr- old happy.
Things were so much more simpler.
Happiness was so much more... natural.

Same goes to our parents. They have been thru what we are goin thru now. They were youthful once, you know. But, sometimes, they too forgot how it was really lke.

Its jus memories.. intricately interwined tgt.. yet you cant rlly sieve them out neatly into discrete catergories.

And its rlly ok, you know.

In fact, its quite beautiful.

And children started to complain tt their parents dun understand them.
And children started to wonder whether their parents were ever young once.
Wait till they themselves become parents..

We've been thru it.. yet it slipped off our minds.. so easily... so naturally.

Creating memories are easy. Keeping them are difficult.

What we ought to do is.. just start treasuring them.

什么都不想说。

2007-07-24T22:33:00.000+08:00

什么都不想说。

很多思绪，无法整理好。

也许，不去整理是当前最好的选择。

有点消沉的说法，可是你没有办法不去相信。

现实往往就是这样。残酷。

真实。

只有爵士音乐可以给我逃亡的空间。

好好沉醉、好好陶醉吧。

Treasure Hunt

2007-07-16T12:02:00.000+08:00

Treasure Hunt...

Nowadays.. i'm still busy with the house renovation stuffs..
almost done... hang on!!

Packing and unpacking can be such a chore!
Yet, there are always pleasant surprises awaiting you...

hiding in certain corners of your house...

Haha.. i din know we own such a cute bunny umbrella!!!! so cute!!! *pinch its ears and run*

Next.. a girl's PROUDEST POSSESSIONS!!!!

muahahahahaahh....

Ladies & Gentlemen...

presenting....

*hold your breath*

MY POLLY POCKET!!!!!!
SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!
AWWWWWWWWWWWWW................
* melt..*

It lights up!!! =)

Those were the days.... :)

Although I've grown up,
my heart still lits up when i found them.. once again.
I sat down,
trying to recall every single figurines that i laid on my palms..
looking strange and familiar all at the same time.

how tiny... how fragile

how strong the feeling of nostalgia...

They have always been there...

somewhere...

waiting for you to realise.

waiting for you... to pick them up :)

HaPpY 100TH BloG EntRy!!!

2007-07-06T22:28:00.000+08:00

HaPpY 100TH BloG EntRy!!!

YEAHHHH... *pop champagne*

This is my 100th blog entry!! Some quick updates..

Today 6/7/2007 marks my 1 yr anniversary... for getting my driving licence! haha.. I have officially graduated from the 'triangular club'. No more 'stamps'!!!! i look more macho on e roads now.. *roar macholy*

next..

My room is freshly painted!! Its pink n white (pink for one wall.. the other walls r painted white)

presenting duck n her room...

~TA DAAA~

My room is lke a baby gal room.. pinkish.. sweet...
awwwwww....
feeling lke a baby...

next...

dun laugh..

duck has got her first pair of crocs! nah.. i'm not a fervent fan of crocs..
i love my crocs.. cos it reminds me of a sister's love..

( a walked-too-much-not-very-happy duck.. resting in e toilet while sis 'touched up')

Sis wanted to get me a pair of crocs cos my leg is aching whenever i walk too much. She said tt i needed a good pair of shoes/ sandals so tt my leg wont be strained from walking long distance. *hug sister*

awwww....

Of cos.. being a good duck.. I offered to pay for half of the total amt.

I love e feeling of wearin crocs.. it makes u feel jumpy.. happy.. lovely.. n more importantly as light as a duck feather...

oh btw.. my crocs are black.
Same as jie's.
:D

What makes you feel that things can be different?

2007-07-05T00:42:00.000+08:00

What makes you feel that things can be different?

I know it was out of goodwill, but I'd rather things turn out to be well.. as per normal.
Believe it or not.. I've grown accustomed to how things alwys turn out to be all this while.

I dun wish to change it..
becos i dun see a need.

I dun wish to explain further..
becos it doesnt matter now.

silence doesnt mean contempt.
Its a form of wisdom.

We are jus v different. Tts all. Nothing bitter abt it. Jus tt we need to appreciate diversity in a graceful manner :)

The horrible truth...

2007-06-26T17:16:00.000+08:00

The horrible truth...

the duck roars angrily..

I just learnt from mum tt the bath and shower gel turned out to be... some washing detergent.

I mean.. WASHING DETERGENT?!!! not those for washing clothes la.. but.. for washing the dishes. BAD ENUFF..

And..I feel extra cleansed for the past 4 days!

In fact..too thoroughly cleansed.. that my skin starts to dry up.

My god...
Dun wana tok abt it anymore...
BOOHOO...

-pics: courtesy of mrflapper.com-

Ticket to Bollywood...

2007-06-20T16:49:00.000+08:00

Ticket to Bollywood...

Duck goes to Bollywood....

muahaha... nah.. not literally..

Watched a Bollywood movie - "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" yesterday w lala. Such a refreshing movie.. a break from Hollywood movies. You can rlly see the great effort and hard work spent on producing this movie. -Thumbs up for their great effort -

My favourite song in the movie: Kiss of Love!!!!
Love e dance choreography. Wat a stylish touch..

Changes is the only constant variable in life...

2007-06-12T16:24:00.000+08:00

Changes is the only constant variable in life...

Lots of changing.. revamping going on in duckie land.

Duck is very excited cos she will be temporary bunking in a town called Tampines. Duck is definitely not abandoning her homeland. It's just tt there will be a renovation going on in her house. Lots of dust and no water supply means tt duck has to venture out in the wild for a short period of time. haha.. nah.. not living in the wild la.. dad n me will be bunking in grandma's house.. tgt w my aunt, uncle newphews and a maid.

So i guess.. its some bonding time w ah mah n the kids..

Calling out to all duck frens: if u guys happen to be in Tamp area.. pls dun hesitate to msg me for a meetup or other constructive activities like shopping.

Lastly, I think i might paint my room - dessert orange (orange) and wild orchid (white). Dessert orange sounds delicious right? haha..

I'm packing up once again.. as if i'm going for holiday trip again. keke...
YEAHHH....Can't wait for a whole new duckland! Beautiful home... MUACKS~! :D

its over? its over...

2007-06-08T18:52:00.000+08:00

It's over? It's over...

I think its time to stop pinning hopes..

deadline is drawing close...

yet no news disclosed.

Things are returning back to 'normal'

but sth has definitely changed..

in a way or so :)

*crossing my fingers*

no-title

2007-06-07T15:19:00.000+08:00

He hugged her tightly in the rain.

A hug that made her laid down her guards.

A hug that asked for no more than a smile.

No pretence, no sense of awkwardness.

Just a simple, sincere hug.

His face laying softly on her cheeks.

Breathing deeply into her skin, with such intense concentration.

As if he wanted to give away his entire soul to calm her nerves.

She used to seek solace in the rain.

Now, she seeks solace in both the rain and the man in the rain.

You don’t need to have a big muscular body to give her an assuring hug.

You don’t need to have perfect makeup to prepare for that lovely hug.

You don’t need to learn how to hug, to give him/her an unforgettable hug.

All that you need to have or learn is… to hug with your heart.